Why Do You Lie?

By now we've all heard about and probably discussed the rape case involving a student at Hofstra University.

For those who don't know, google "hofstra rape" and you'll get all the news articles you never wanted.

To sum it up, though, a young woman -- college freshman in fact -- by the name of Danmell Ndonye consented to sex with 5 young men. Afterwards, she claimed to have been raped. An investigation was immediately launched, outraged expressed and sympathy conveyed. Shortly thereafter, when the cops began questioning Ms. Ndonye's inconsistent stories as well as confronting her with the possibility of a tape, she confessed that it had been made up.

Because I understand the real aftermath rape can have, I don't want to make a lot of jokes, but the first thought I had when I read that there was a video was, "I bet a lot more dudes are going to start recording their sexual activity..." I can't say that I'd blame a man if he did that either. Many men are convicted of sexual assault crimes that they didn't commit. I'll be the first to say that sexual assault is not taken as seriously in our society as I think it should be, but anytime a person's life and freedom could be taken away by someone else's lie, it is a problem.

Only Ms. Ndonye knows why she lied, for sure, and perhaps even she doesn't know, but I can take a stab at it. We all know that when (and in this day and age, it's a "when" not an "if") the videotape surfaced (and I believe Ms. Ndonye was probably unaware of the video) we all would have taken to Twitter, facebook and our blogs to comment on the demoralization of our young women. "How could she degrade herself like that," we would've asked. "What's this say to other young women?" others would have chimed in. Ms Ndonye may have asked herself some similar questions right after it happened and may have had immediate and sudden remorse and so she lied.

Perhaps, even, Ms Ndonye did feel raped. Perhaps she woke up the next morning and felt that she'd been violated -- but the fact is, she consented to these sexual acts and the burden of dealing with it was her responsibility, not that of the 5 men or the police officers who got her case.

I sympathize with Ms. Ndonye. I can only imagine what it's like to wake up the next morning and feel violated and know, even if it's just subconsciously, that you're to blame for your own decisions.

Having said that, what I really worry about are the women who have recently been raped and those who will be, who will remember this story and be afraid to come forward. They will stay silent because they fear no one will believe them; they won't talk because somehow they will make it their own fault. What about those women? What can we do to foster a society that allows women to come forward when they've been violated, but also protects men from women who have "buyers' remorse"?

Above all else, I hope that there are other young women out there who saw this story and will really think before they leap; consider how they might feel and what it might be like before they say yes.

I have a follow-up post for tomorrow (what? ASmith's gonna post on a Saturday?!) ok... good point...

Let's see what actually happens, but I DO have a follow-up post.

*****EDIT******
I just read an article that confirmed what I thought: she lied because she didn't want anyone to think ill of her and to explain to her boyfriend why she was MIA. He convinced her to go to the cops and so the ordeal began.