Things We Don't Apologize For: Keeping the Ring

Tuesday:Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your safety should always be a priority.
Today:Never apologize for keeping the ring even if you did not get married



As a music head, I HAVE to note the following: This is a mix of 2 versions of this song. I searched high and low for the Blaque version, but failed. Blaque recorded this song for their album BlaqueOut like the video for this song, the album was never officially released, but this is a hot track. Later, a UK girl-group, Miss-Teeq, re-recorded the song for their album Eye Candy.

The chorus to this song is

Gave you my love and I can't get it back
Gave you all my time and I can't get it back
Now the ring that you gave me
You can't have it back
Cause it's just not going down like that

When I got to this "Things We Don't Apologize For" I had no idea what to say. I've never been engaged and I've never known anyone who had to deal with whether or not to give the ring back. However, I HAVE given my all in a relationship only to be left feeling like I got nothing in return and having no way to take back what I gave. Then I heard this song on my commute home last week and I knew exactly what angle I could take.

I like the way the ring is used as payback in this song. This attitude that because she can't have back all she gave, there's no reason he should have back what he gave, especially since what he gave is tangible (and potentially expensive). I think I like it so much because when my relationship ended, I didn't have a ring (I gave J a ring -- long story -- but his mom is looking for it for me to have back, it seems to have disappeared -- another long story) to keep. Heck, I didn't have anything of value to keep and what I did have I destroyed or threw away because I didn't want anything lingering around to remind me of what used to be, or rather, what never was.

I'm sure that in a similar situation, I'd give a ring back, too, but that's just me. Anyone who was given a ring and who wants to keep it, ought to (and whether or not you later pawn it is up to you, but I won't touch that issue with a 10 foot pole). You also ought not apologize for doing so. I didn't tell anyone about all the things he gave me that I threw away or destroyed (not even him) because it wasn't about anyone but me. I needed to physically cleanse my space of all that junk and so I did. I kinda regret it now, but that's because of situations and things no one could've known would happen. In any case, it's what I needed in the post-break up period and so I'm glad I didn't have to explain it to anyone.

But really this isn't about a ring, or a gift item, it's about doing what you need to do after a break up to heal. Whatever you need for yourself right after it's over is what you need. If you want to hold on to everything to remind you of happy times, great. If you want to burn everything in a bon fire that's fine as well. There's just no room to feel the need to apologize. J kept the ring I gave him for a long time, even wearing it as a necklace at one point. He stopped, I assume, because of his new relationship and that's ok by me. It wasn't my ring anymore. A gift is a gift is a gift.

Keep the ring, pawn the ring, melt the ring down and force your ex to drink it -- I don't care, but whatever you choose to do, don't apologize for it.

Tomorrow: Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.