Series on Monday

Remind yourself...

Part 6

One weekend, JD and another friend of mine, Jane came to visit. Jane's boyfriend, also a friend of mine, went to a school only 30 mins away. JD's parents had family friends living in the same area and we got to spend a night, the four of us, in a small apartment. I was happy for JD to come not only because we had the chance to spend time together but also because he would get to meet all my friends. I was most excited for him to meet my closest friend, O.

I'm not sure what happened, but I realized early on there was some tension between JD and O. I realized later that JD immediately felt competition with O. This was something that plagued our relationship to the end. Overall the trip was good. JD spent some time not focused on his parents and we got to spend time together. I noticed, however, that I started seeing sides of JD that I'd never seen before. One evening he admitted he felt like I was replacing him with O. O and a third friend, Madeline, and I had been spending a lot of time together. More often than not, if I missed phone time with JD it was because I was with them. I tried to reassure him that I wasn't replacing him and he needed to trust me, but to no avail. He was pissed. It was our first fight. I was left feeling drained and uncertain of our future.

I tried for the following days to reassure him that O and I, though close, were only friends. And this was true. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend and technically, didn't have a boyfriend; a fact I reminded JD of, regularly. I felt like instead of being happy that I had met new people and had good friends, JD was jealous and wanted me to be alone, like he was. He wanted to feel like he was filling the same role for me that he needed me to fill for him.

In the time since his visit and our first blow up, JD had tried to commit suicide. This struck a chord with me because I had a friend kill himself in the second semester of my senior year in high school and JD was there to witness all that put me and other friends through. As a result, the school asked JD to take a leave of absence for the semester. They would spend the time reviewing whether or not to allow him back for the following semester. JD was clearly upset by the decision but willing to do whatever he had to, to get back to a place he felt like "made him whole." He enrolled in a small school for the semester and tried to grin and bear it.