4.27.2009
We're Just Friends
Here's my question:
Can you go from being in a relationship with someone to "just friends"? Can you cross that line and then, well, uncross it?
I've always said no. My experience has always been that no matter what we said, no matter how much we talked about it, for one of us, at least, it was always hard to only see that other person as a "friend." My experience said that when someone says "Let's just be friends" it's there way of breaking it off without having to go through all the extra and that furthermore, they've probably been seeing you as "just a friend" for a while.
So when you're the other one, the one who got blindsided, how do you go back to "just friends"? How do you stop looking at that person and think about your future together, and start looking at them as... well... just a friend?
I hear it's possible. I hear people do it all the time. Is it only successful when both sides truly come to that agreement separately and THEN together, rather than the other way around? That is, one person doesn't tell the other one that "we'll just be friends" but rather through other conversations it becomes a mutual decision?
I'm full of questions because I'm trying to explore the possibility that being "just friends" IS possible...
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4 comments:
I agree with you on this one...
I too don't believe that it's possible to go from being in a relationship with someone to "just being friends".
I mean...the way that I look at it, we're either together or we're not. [It's as simple as that.]
There is no bouncing between the two [at least NOT in my opinion].
It's possible. I think it's just all a matter of understanding and time.
I broke up with my most recent ex -- whom I'm positive still has feelings for me -- last summer and we've been friends ever since. He's one of those people who's very easy going. He understands that things just didn't work out and would rather have me as a friend than nothing at all. While he still has those feelings for me, he respects me enough to not bring them to light.
My other ex who's been one of my best friends for a long time now, it took us about 2 years of not communicating to put everything that happened aside to be friends.
I have another ex (Just one more lol) who I've been trying to be friends with for almost 5 years now and I'm realizing it's not going to happen because he does still love me AND he makes it known as much as possible. He's one of those people who believes in the whole "You're either my girl or you're not" theory and only "befriends" me because he's hopeful. I was too obviously but I've let that dream go.
So yeah, it all depends on circumstance, understanding and time.
@Ms. Behaving I totally have a black or white way with things and I feel like once we cross that line either we stay like that or we end it. Maybe some people can do it, but I'm not sure I can.
@Shantae You might be right about the time. I've been pretending to be friends with my ex for about a yr (it's been 2 since we broke up) but I emphasize pretending. It's not because I want him back it's because I'm just not really and truly over what happened. Hmm...
I think it's possible. It can't happen immediately though. That's where people go wrong. You need to step back and heal, put each other in different roles in your life and then try to build a friendship.
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