Series on Monday (but it's Tuesday... again)

I don't know what my problem is, ya'll... but I'ma get it together.

Refresh yourself

And again, for the record, this is true. It's real life b.s. that happened to yours truly.

Part 9

I didn’t like what I read. In one breath he told me he saw a future for us, and in another he told me he saw me like a sister. However, I had been adamant that he had to be honest with me and so I refrained from sharing how upset I was. “If you see me as a sister,” I responded in one e-mail, “then I can handle that.”

Not too long after that, JD and I were having a conversation where we talked about the guys I was spending time with. I had it bad for JD and so I wasn’t checking for any other dudes like that. I’ve always had a lot of guy friends so it didn’t phase me that this was continuing in college. At some point in the conversation, JD got upset and made a comment about me being careful who I was “f*cking.” I laughed it off, but later sent him an e-mail asking him to explain getting upset at the thought of me sleeping with someone after telling me he saw me as a sister. He told me that it was the “brother” coming out in him and wanting me to be safe. I remembered his tone of voice and thought differently.

On the back of this e-mail, I continued with my string of “where do you see this going” questions. One of them referenced his rendezvous during Spring Break. I broached the topic, but told him I’d leave it be if that’s what he wanted. He told me I could ask whatever I wanted to set my mind at ease. That conversation left me reeling.

At first he was answering my questions no problem. He gave me details; he said some of the same things he’d said before. At some point he must have realized I wasn’t going to just ask 3 questions and stop. I had some real hang ups about this. He also must have realized that he had to come clean.

“I didn’t sleep with her,” he blurted out. The story came pouring out. He said he made it up. He said he’d not only lied to me but to all his friends. I kept asking him why and he kept saying he didn’t know. I told him I understood the lying to his other friends, but knowing how I felt about him, I didn’t understand why he would lie to me. He said he didn’t know.

What was worse was the nonchalant way he was acting. He clearly didn’t understand how much of a blow this news was. I had secretly been upset by the fact that he’d so freely slept with some other girl when I had such real feelings for him. And then just as quickly, I found out it had all been a lie and that I had dealt with all these feelings for nothing.

I got off the phone. I was frustrated and upset. I felt like I had been hit in the head with a bunch of bricks. I was back to not knowing what to do with JD or my feelings for him.