I haven't been happy for a while. I've had moments of happiness, but I haven't been happy in the last few months. It's pretty much all because of my living situation. In short, because I'm not going to give this hellish situation any more due than it deserves, I moved in with an older woman who was a sister of a friend of my mom's. This was always going to be a temporary situation, but she led me to believe I could stay as long as I needed to. Anyway, her controlling ways and general neurotic-tendencies have pushed me over the edge. I sat on that edge for about three months, but a couple of nights ago she pushed me right on over and all my plans to be financially stable before I moved out when right out the window with my last straw of patience and I immediately set forth to find a place to live. Prayerfully the place I'm going to check out this weekend will be somewhere I feel comfortable and I can move in in the next couple of weeks.
I was in a situation that, for the most part, made me unhappy about three years ago. I didn't realize how miserable I was until I was no longer miserable. Here I am, again, realizing just how stressed, unhappy and sad I've been for the past three months. Here I am, starting a brand new chapter in my life, when I should be living it up and being the young adult that I am in a big city... and I spend most of my time hiding, plotting to be away, or generally depressed.
All this unhappiness has made me realize even more how important being truly and honestly HAPPY is. To be content with your life is rare in this day and age. Our society puts material wealth over everything else and to attain that wealth, many people just have to sacrifice happiness. Those who don't, tend to make it onto talk shows and into magazines for their "extraordinary way of living.." Couples who choose to give up an income so that someone can stay home with the children are celebrated. Not that they shouldn't be, but they are celebrated because it is such a rare choice.
I think I read somewhere that you should write down the things that make you happy and do one of those every day. I think you should write down the things that can make you happy for a lifetime. Happiness can be so elusive so whenever you do find it, hold on to it as if your life depended on it... in many ways, it does.
1 comment:
Ms. Smith, I understand your situation. When I was in my twenties, I had to give up my full time job and apartment to move back home with my mom and step-father so I could go back to college and get my degree.
I thought this would be ideal, because my controling step-father actually invited me back. Come to find out he just wanted me under his thumb, and once I was there it was hard to move back out because I was now that 16 to 18 credit hours and only working part time.
Living back at home caused all my hatred for the man to resurface. It was not cool. I was so happy to get my ass back up out of there.
Happiness isn't really all that elusive. It is inside of each of us. You just have to keep in mind that no one can make you feel one way or another. We determine how we feel. This is such a hard concept for people to grasp, but anytime I start feeling angry or depressed, because of what someone else said or did I put it in my head that I can let that bring me down or I can get over it and not let these bastards get me down.
I make my own happiness, damn it!
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