Life Lesson 12: Find Yourself Some Work Ethic

Yesterday: The World Owes You Nothing
Today: Find Yourself Some Work Ethic

Hard work is necessary to achieve anything in this life. If you’re wondering why you’re not where you want to be in life, you should consider examining your work habits.

My mom likes to tell me that when she moved from the small town she grew up in, her oldest brother told her that if she ever needed anything at all, all she had to do was call. It was, for the most part, the classic "you can always come home" pep talk. However, my mom likes to tell me this story because of the caveat he gave: unless you're in jail for stealing.

Your work ethic, in my family, is one of the most important things to build up. When I think about the family members that the matriarchs and patriarchs don't particularly care for, the ones I like to say don't make the "golden" list, it's all the ones who everybody has decided doesn't have a work ethic quite up to par. Why? Because to have anything you have to work hard for it, as we discussed yesterday and as far as my family is concerned, if you're not willing to work for something, you're a suspicious and not to be trusted individual. He who won't work, won't eat and all that other jazz.

Make no mistake about it, all the things we've discussed so far is work. Goal setting, having ambition, finding motivation... all these things take work, they take time, they take thought, they take effort. Work does not always look like a 9-5. It isn't always done at a desk from a computer screen. But no matter what form it takes, work is always evident.

That's why when, 10 years post high school, you have nothing to show for the last 10 years, people wonder why. It may be easy to blame a whole host of situations for why you haven't achieved much. Maybe the primary one is that in the grand scheme of things, 10 years isn't a long time to do anything. But you just gotta question the work ethic of someone who has 3650 days to do something and doesn't do anything. It's not really a judgement as much as it's a simple question. If you had a goal and after 10 years are no closer to it, then what were you doing?

That's what I think about several people I know who have been swearing they're going to have and achieve x and y things but after years of talk are still in the very same position they were before. It's why one of my criteria for my future mate is someone with ambition; someone who has a goal and is constantly doing something to put themselves closer to that goal. Your work ethic speaks volumes about you as a person. People who expect everything to come to them can't be trusted.

Or as my family might say, if you won't work, you probably will steal.

Tomorrow: You Always Have You

Life Lesson 11: The World Owes You Nothing

Friday: Maybe You're the Common Denominator
Today: The World Owes You Nothing

You can’t go into this world thinking you’re owed something. If you do, you’re going to be permanently unhappy.

One of my all time favorite quotes comes from the great American writer Mark Twain: "...the world owes you nothing; it was here first."

I think one of the fastest ways to get yourself into a jam is to have an unwarranted sense of entitlement. To think that just because you are, you will receive. For the vast majority of us, there is little we will get without having worked for it in some fashion. Even those for who it seems everything is given and nothing is expected, I assure you there is some sacrifice somewhere in their life to have and maintain whatever it is. Nothing, my friends, is free.

And if you're walking around thinking that everything you want will just fall from the sky, the disappointment you're going to feel when you get to the end of that walk with nothing to show for it may, in fact, be insurmountable and indescribable. Trying to find the shortcut, expecting someone else to work for you and hand you all of the benefits... that just won't ever work. Do the work, earn your keep.

I hate the bootstraps meme that is so popular and has been so popular in American rhetoric, especially political rhetoric. I hate it because it's not true. Very few people have or will ever accomplish anything great (or even not so great) with no help at all. That's just not how us humans are wired, to do things all alone. However, there is something magical about the idea -- and this idea is why, though it may in fact be literally and figuratively killing us, our country will hold on to Capitalism until it is pried from our cold, dead hands -- that if you just work hard, you can have anything you want. If that's all it takes, then the possibilities are endless, which is an intoxicatingly exciting thought, if you ask me.

While you will need help, your bootstraps won't be enough, you can work hard enough to achieve just about anything. You can have whatever you want, including happiness, you just can't think that it is owed to you simply because you breathe. Anything worth having is worth working for, if only to be able to say, on the back end, I earned this.

Tomorrow: Find Yourself Some Work Ethic

Job Searching and Why I Won't Talk About It

I started blogging a long time ago -- back before it was called that -- back when we were just online journaling -- back when xanga and livejournal were legitimate websites that legitimate online users used. I started doing this because I, like most folks, find it therapeutic to write down the things that are going on. In the very very very beginning I literally used it like a journal, writing down the things that were happening to me, as they happened with full details and names.

All of that was fine and dandy until I got into a relationship and started chronicling the woes of that. It wasn't all woes, but I guess that's all I talked about and my boyfriend just wasn't with it. So many of our fights were about the things I wrote online. I didn't get the big deal and he didn't get the big deal but I did ultimately give in and begin censoring myself; first in the matters of our relationship but eventually in all matters.

When I first started this blog, it was to get away from xanga where I had so many people reading my blog who knew me personally. I didn't get a lot of negative feedback about what I was writing, but I did continue to censor myself heavily -- only writing what I thought would be received well, especially if it involved other people. I created a blogspot (now blogger) account never intending for anyone I knew personally to see it. If you go back and read my early posts, many are very detailed, using real names of people I actually know talking about things that actually happened.

I took a break from blogging and when I came back to it and I started getting around on these internet streets and people started actually reading this blog, I realized that there was no way for me to know who was and who wasn't reading. I could assume that because no one I knew personally ever said anything to me about it that they weren't reading but I knew better than to trust that for long. There was also the point that from time to time I write things here that I think are good and want my friends to read, but worry about sending links because what's to stop them from reading the whole site and find posts about them?

So I fell back to censoring myself which is why I started online journaling in the first place. I needed a place to be honest about myself and the things going on around me in a way I couldn't be "in real life" but "real life" followed me here.

I have not completely stopped talking about my life or giving personal stories about real things that happened, but much like in my real life, I give as few details as possible and try to speak as generally as possible when I can't speak as personally (that means only about me) as possible.

All of this is relevant to my job search. Everyone wants updates and I've been reluctant to talk about it. At first I tried to be very open, telling people about my job prospects and potential interviews, but as the disappointments came -- and I knew they would -- I found that other people's stress was effecting me. It's caused me to censor myself and clam up. I've also become something of a hermit as a result. I blame it on wanting to save money, which I do, but dinner dates and outings with friends always end up with "so how's your summer going?" which is usually to imply (if it's not outright asked immediately following) "how's the job hunt?"

I know people mean well and in that general way I'm appreciative. But more and more it feels like people want to problem-solve a problem I don't think I have just yet. Job searches take time and they are disappointing for awhile for most people. It's like looking for something you lost: it's always in the last place you look.

I've been blunt: "when I know something, you'll know something..." I've been coy: "I've got a few leads..." I've explained, I've answered questions, I've done everything but nothing seems to calm people down and so I've given up. They don't get it and I don't get it. Perhaps it's my usual calm and seemingly unaffected demeanor that riles folks up, but that's just me. I trust that when you do things the proper way, they work out and until I have a reason not to trust that, I'm going to keep on.

I have the sort of personality that takes on other people's emotions. I'm very empathetic. It makes me a great counselor and friend but when it goes unchecked can be very unhealthy for me. It's like walking around with all the books of all your classes on your back and then taking on the load of a friend who has the same class load as yours. It's like double the work for half the payout and it is not at all comfortable or fun. The only way I know to keep myself from taking on everyone else's backpacks is to just stay away for a little while. Censor myself, if you will.

I do have one friend who's in my same boat and seems to get my reluctance to talk so she lets me tell her what I want to and she doesn't ask a lot of questions so I tell her everything on my mind and then I'm good. But everyone else will just have to wait until I have good news and I have a feeling that will be soon.

The Car

This is part (a SMALL part) of what I did while I was in Memphis

I Quit

I respect anyone, ANYONE who will do what this lady did.



"So if you confused about what I'm saying. Listen very carefully: I quit this bitch..."

Girl, get it.

Tokens

I started another post, and got sidetracked by a ridiculous amount of pointless meetings.

I don't like being the token black kid. I do it, though, because... well, I'm not sure.

But really what I don't like is when people act like that's not what's happening.

What brought this on, you ask?

I've been asked to sit in on a meeting next week that I'm not needed in so I can be a like-faced representative of our office.

Token black kid.

I've just decided to address this issue with one of my managers. It's not that I'm uncomfortable, I'm happy to sit in on the meeting. Black folks like seeing other black folks. Everyone, however, in the room will know why I'm there and I know they will be insulted... I'm a little insulted. Hell, I'm not sure how I feel. Somewhere between surprise and insult, I think.

I hope I finally get to do at least ONE of the posts I've been wanting to do. Lord help me.

It hurts

I can't do posts on Monday. I spend most of the morning catching up on all the posts I missed over the weekend. Also, lest we forget, I have a "real" job so... I'm catching up on that. By the time I get around to doing real work my day is more than half-way over.

So, this is all you're getting for right now and this is because I love you. I love you all.

When Being Likeable Is Bad

I think I'm a pretty awesome person. One of my friends says that's a sign of narcissim -- but I think it's a fair assessment. I'm pretty darn cool. I find that when I try, I make friends pretty easily -- often more easily than I'd like. I'm not exactly looking to amass a large number of friends and so I try to keep boundaries clear.

Anyway, it has come to my attention that, most likely because of said infectious personality, I've been getting preferential treatment in our office. Now this has been on mundane things like, when work I do comes up for edit (my job is not easy to explain, but one thing I do is write letters that are later edited by a senior member of the office) the "top" guy will come talk or e-mail me about it directly. Even going so far as to re-write what he thinks is best and sending it to me in an e-mail. I thought he did this for everyone but I just learned that most everyone else only has contact with our direct supervisor in this matter and that he'll usually write edits on the paper and send it back through our supervisor. I raise one eyebrow at that.

I realize that example sounds lame -- but when you couple that with the fact that he also will often come to my area of the office and joke around with me... I leave my eyebrow raised.

It never hurts to have people who can help you in your career paying attention (except when you're effin' up) but I don't want my treatment to be seen as anything other than that I work hard. He's not the only senior member in our office who pays specific attention to me and it has come to my attention that people are noticing... and we all know the tale of the haters... I'm just waiting. I mean, I don't want to make this into something if it's not, BUT I also don't like ignoring what's right in front of my face....

We'll see where this goes...