An Open Letter to my Friends

Before I begin, I want to be clear about a few things. One, this is an open letter to my friends. Not some of you, not a few of you, not the young ones, not the old ones. Not the ridiculous ones, not the crazy ones. Not the good ones, not the bad ones. Not whatever group you can find that you don't belong to. It's addressed to you. Yes, you. You right there. Also, there are a lot of reasons I'm doing this, but the two I want to share are 1)it's too many of ya'll to get individual and 2)there's something about the open letter format that will help me make a much larger point. Finally, though I anticipate this backfiring in some way I haven't even thought of, keep in mind that I've factored that in and still, the desire to do this is strong. Ok, with that said, let's get to it, shall we?

Dear you,

I love you. I do. If I let you into my circle, I care about you a lot and I love you. I take friendship very seriously. I think if I call you friend, I owe you my loyalty, honesty and shoulder.

But you know that, right? Cause we tight...right?

I digress...

On the flip side of that, I think you owe me the same thing. The loyalty, the honesty and a shoulder. No more, no less than I owe you.

99% of you, however, couldn't give me loyalty, honesty or a shoulder if I labeled it, and handed it to you. I'm serious.

Loyalty - Dictionary.com defines this word as faithful to one's oath, commitments, or obligations. For those slow on the uptake, that means when you say you're going to do something, you do it. For the overachievers among us, that means everytime. But factor in human error and such, I'll give you most of the time.

So most of the time when you say you're going to call, you call.

Most of the time when you say you're going to be somewhere, you are.

Most of the time when you say you're going to do something, you do.

But let's go a little farther, because we're talking about big shrimp here. We're talking about friendship.

When you say you care, you show it -- you go past saying it to showing it.

When you say you want to help, you do it. You go past saying it to, doing it.

Oh and get this right here... it means you don't talk about me to someone else disrespectfully. You don't tell them things about me that only you know and you definitely don't throw me under the bus with someone else.

As a loyal friend our friendship is important to you.

So all the times you told me you wanted to help because you cared, but never called me back and never showed up? You weren't being loyal.

When this became so much of a habit that I didn't even call you to tell you that something really major had happened to me -- that wasn't because I don't share things. That was because you're disloyal.

And yet, like an idiot, I still called you friend.

Honesty - Dictionary.com defines this word as truthful or creditable

So that means when you speak, you tell things to the best of your ability in the most truthful way.

That means you don't pretend to be things you're not.

That means you don't purposefully set out to lead others astray.

But, again, gotta go further because we're talking about something major.

That means you don't voluntarily tell me that you want to see me, but never make plans to do so.

That means you don't call me friend and treat me like...well...like an enemy.

That means you don't misrepresent who I am to others as it fits your needs.

Funny how honesty plays into loyalty, right? I mean an honest person does what they say they will do. A loyal person wouldn't set me up by telling me one thing and doing another, right?

Crazy ish, man. CRAZY ISH.

The breakdown of this, the application, the takeaway, if you will, is that you wouldn't know honesty if I wrapped it up in a big bow and put it under your tree with the label "honesty."

When given the chance to be honest, you choose not to be. When honesty would be easier, you choose the road less traveled. When honesty would strengthen our bond, you choose to break it.

But like an idiot, I still called you friend.

A shoulder - We won't waste time with a pointless definition. Here, let's get right to it.

If I can't get you on the phone...like ever...but you always get me when you call? That's not working right.

If you only seem to know my name (or number) when you need something? Oh gosh, this is so lopsided, we're going to need Jesus to pick it back up.

This could all be boiled down to this: Do you give me the opportunity to access you in the same way I give you opportunity? Be honest, you don't have to share with the class.

And yet, like an idiot... yeah you know.

Am I being too harsh? Nah. I haven't been harsh enough. Like an idiot, I've been letting you do whatever you wanted to. Not asking you for more than you gave me. Not withholding what you asked of me. Never complaining, always dutiful. Always thinking of how I can help you be better. Wondering, what I have that I can give you to help you achieve your goals. Who do I know? How can I help? These questions are always foremost in my mind with my friends because I, and brace your hats for this dude, love you.

I wasn't kidding when I said it. I care about you. I want you to be all the things you want to be plus some things you had no idea you could be. I want you to be happy and love life. And whatever I have to do, even sacrifice things, to help you with that. I'm game.

Simply put, I'm a better friend to you, then you could ever dream of being to me.

The irony is that it's so easy to give to people who give back, but I'm tired. I don't got it in me anymore to give one iota more to you than you give to me. Some sadistic part of me wishes I did, but you took it all. Every.last.drop.

So I'm the idiot here. For sure. Only idiots do the same thing over and over expecting different results. Only idiots let people treat them any kind of way and come back for more because they hope it will be different.

Yo, if I called you and told you my boyfriend never had time for me unless he wanted something, never called me unless he needed something, lied to me, hurt my feelings and was dismissive, you'd cuss me out for giving that dude the time of day.

But you? Apparently you get a free pass to do whatever you want.

Don't mistake this as me blowing up an incident or two into something bigger than it is. This is years, years of me watching you do the same thing over and over again. The lies, the misrepresentation, the manipulation. But probably what hurts the worst is being taken for granted and advantaged of. Being used for whatever you wanted and then discarded later. You pretending, when talking to me, to have a vested interest in my life and my future but then taking the first chance to sell me up a creek if it benefited you in any way.

If we want to go all the way live, I can tell you I dated a drug addict and even HE knew enough when he was screwing up to at least PRETEND to be sorry about it. You're either so callous or so dumb that you can't even see it. The worst among you still don't know this letter is directed especially to you.

What made me write this? A lot of things, but especially the fact that I'm tired of having moments every day where I seriously wonder why I bother with people. If all I'm going to get are selfish, needy, using, manipulative, sociopaths -- then why take the time or make the effort? I don't like feeling that way so I'm about to relax, relate, and RELEASE.

Am I perfect? Absolutely not. I'm too daggone sarcastic and snarky. I don't think before I speak. I don't use tact. Sometimes, I prioritize stuff the wrong way. I hurt people's feelings sometimes and don't apologize. I take stuff personally. I push the boundaries. But dammit, I'm loyal to your disloyal and dishonest self and help me sweet baby Jesus if when you need me, I'm not right.there.

But you know what? This letter wasn't ever really about you or to you. It was about me and for me because I'm the one who woke up one day surrounded by way too many users. Way too many people who only wanted me for what I could give them. Way too many people who have no idea about the things I've been through because it never occurred to them to ask or care.

I'm the one who decided it was easier to hold it in than share for fear that you wouldn't care. I'm the one who let you do whatever you wanted to do to me without calling you out for it. I take full responsibility for everything I did that got me here.

I'm the idiot - wait - I was the idiot.

Cause right now.

This shit is OVER.

You got it?

It's done.

It's a new world order, man, and we got rules in this thang.

Loyalty, Honesty and a Shoulder. Anything less need not apply.

I want you here, but you can't stay if you won't step your game up and step it up immediately.

Love (and yes, I mean that sincerely),
Ashley L. Smith

P.S. This ain't gotta be a big deal. It's not for me, cause when I put it here, I wiped my hands of it. To quote my BFF, "I'm rewriting my script and if you want a part in it, you gotta come correct."

P.P.S. Because I'm realizing now how many people who "kinda" know me are reading this, I feel like I have to add that I have some really amazing people in my life. I know that and they know that -- which was why I didn't mention that fact. Also, I feared that in mentioning that caveat, I would've given some folks the loophole they needed to reassure themselves that they're not who I'm talking to, so I add also that if you have to wonder, that speaks volumes.

Author's Note: I posted this, now, a little over 24 hrs ago and in that 24 hrs, I've had a lot of feedback. Mostly from people who don't know me "in real life." I'll probably do a post on the types of responses I got, later, but I want to say that in writing this it became a call to me to be a better friend in ways I hadn't considered. I hope that, whether you know me "in real life" or not, whether we're truly friends or not, this open letter will encourage you to do the same. I'm learning it takes a special kind of person to be a good friend.



Well is it me, or can it be I am a little too friendly, so to speak? Hypothetically say, I supply creativity to what others mistake as a form of self hate, only to make an enemy, which results in unfortunate destiny. They dog me out, then be next to me, just 'cause I am what some choose to envy.

What I'm Listening To...

From time to time I like to share what I'm listening to.

Many of you will recognize these artists, especially if you watched the Grammy's last night. I was a bit disappointed in how many people in my timeline had nothing good to say about the non hip-hop/rap acts. There is a lot of good music out there that is not hip-hop or rap and I'm always taking the opportunity to expose people to what slices of it I've discovered.

Kings of Leon - Use Somebody


Zac Brown Band - Chicken Fried


Adam Lambert - Whataya Want From Me

My Youtube Debut Part Deux

My Youtube Debut

I've officially made it so I can never run for public office.

Jill and I did two videos, I'll post the next video when she does.

Look What I Found

Still searching for my blog steeze...

Here are some gems I've found on the 'net today. Check back, as I'm sure I'll update this before the day's over with

It's Hammer Time!



Second, we have a story from Politico a Hill newspaper.

If you want to score a meeting with Rep. Jim McDermott (D-Wash.), know this: His scheduler/office manager, Elizabeth Becton, is to be addressed by her full name — not Liz or any other variant.

An executive assistant at McBee Strategic recently learned this the hard way. A few weeks ago, the assistant e-mailed Becton seeking a meeting with McDermott and a client, JPMorgan Chase. Days later, the assistant checked back in and unfortunately began the e-mail with “Hi Liz.”

Becton curtly replied, “Who is Liz?”

When the assistant wrote back with an apology, Becton turned up the heat. “I do not go by Liz. Where did you get your information?” she asked.

The back-and-forth went on for 19 e-mails, with the assistant apologizing six times if she had “offended” Becton, while Becton lectured about name-calling.
Becton told the assistant that if someone said using “Liz” was acceptable, then “they are not your friend”, and “If I wanted you to call me by any other name, I would have offered that to you.” Plus, it’s “rude when people don’t even ask permission and take all sorts of liberties with your name,” she said, adding: “Please do not ever call me by a nickname again.”

But the tirade didn’t end there. Becton continued her riff — responding that the assistant “got played” by someone who was trying to “tick” Becton off. Becton’s final, searing missive stated: “In the future, you should be VERY careful about such things. People like to brag about their connections in D.C. It’s a pastime for some. It’s also dangerous to eavesdrop, as you have just found out. Quit apologizing and never call me anything but Elizabeth again. Also, make sure you correct anyone who attempts to call me by any other name but Elizabeth. Are we clear on this? Like I said, it’s a hot button for me. And please don’t call the office and not leave a message. My colleague told me you called while I was away. ... I do sometimes leave my desk.”

McDermott spokesman Mike DeCesare told us Tuesday, “An apology is being issued as we speak,” adding, “This isn’t reflective of the way we do business in this office.”

Source Be sure you follow the source link to read the e-mail exchange as well as the comments.

On Repeat

Sometimes, I play songs over and over again. Not always with reason... or at least not a reason I understand. I feel better when I can share them with you.

Teyna Taylor - Complicated


Keyshia Cole - Thought You Should Know

Throwback Tuesday

I love me some ol' school Mariah...

Mariah Carey - Always Be My Baby
Uploaded by mario_cam. - See video of the biggest web video personalities.

Look What I Found

Shouts out to A.Red at Watch Your Setup...



Girl, sang that song, and strum that guitar. Can we PLEASE find more folks like HER?? I've been waiting on black folks to find their way to a guitar and a stool, a la India.Arie... well... since India.Arie.

Bless it...

Throwback Tuesday

I just loaded this whole album on my laptop.

Tennessee is the greatest state in all of America, FYI.

Throwback Tuesday

Funny story involving this song...

I have a friend, we'll call her CiCi, who is VERY smart (and I don't say that about many people, truly). But there's something in her brain that misfires and from time to time she can come across as an airhead.

One night, in college, I was at a table in the dining hall eating dinner with a handful of friends. CiCi happened to come in about that time and she saw us so she stopped to talk. She told us she had been out running some errands and looked at me and said "OH! I heard a THROWBACK in the car tonight."

Me: Oh really? What was it?
CiCi: It was "Candy." "Candy Rain."
Me: Was it "Candy" or "Candy Rain?" Those are two different songs.
CiCi: Oh. Yeah. "Candy Rain."

We continued with our conversation, CiCi, myself, and the group. At some point I over heard CiCi singing a song... "storms will come, this we know for sure..."

Me: Ay, is that the song you heard in the car?
CiCi: Yeah!
Me: Girl, that's not "Candy," OR "Candy Rain!" That's "Can You Stand the Rain!!"

A third friend, TB, looked at me and said "after that first exchange, I never would've thought that the song she was singing was the real song she heard!"

Let me just say I have PLENTY of stories about CiCi and the ditzy things she's said over the years. I love her.

Anyway, on to the throwback!

Soul 4 Real - Candy Rain
Uploaded by hosni9201

Pretty Wings

When you hear a song, especially one you like, do you try to apply it to yourself?

A friend of mine and I had an argument about what this song is about. The crux of our disagreement came in when talking about how much of this song is about the singer. I said that by virtue of being about a relationship, both parties are involved, she said that the song is only about the other person and how the singer has to let them go so they can live. Last night, a thought occurred to me and I sent her a text message

When a person hears a song, they immediately try to apply it to themselves. They also try to do so from the perspective of the singer, not the one being sung to. In Maxwell's song my experience fits more from the other side and from the other side, it wasn't just about me, it was about both of us and he had to leave so I could live but also had to for himself, or at least that's how I saw it. I'm sure he saw it differently. Thus, I read the song the way I do.

She agreed with me and said that's exactly why she said the thing she said.

It's interesting to me how one situation can be read so many ways just because of experience or even your position in the situation. She's currently going through a situation very much like the one in the song. She feels like she's stepping away from it for the other person and I think my ex thought the same thing. Looking at her situation and mine, I see it as happening for both people. It may feel like you're "taking one for the team" but the fact of the matter is (at least to me), if you really love someone and they're not happy, how can you be happy? If walking away is the only way to make them happy, I know it's gotta hurt (for everyone in some cases) at first, but in the long run it's what's best and what will (hopefully) lead everyone to "happiness."

What do you think?

Talk To Me

LOL @ this. Man, this was the BUSINESS when it came out.

I just added a reactions option to my posts. I know sometimes I read blogs and I don't have anything to say, really, but I want to let them know I was there. Check at the bottom of every post for the option to simply click to let me know what you thought.

Throwback Tuesday

R.I.P. Tony Thompson

On Repeat

I don't know what's been going on with me lately, but I've been finding little gems of music and playing them on repeat for NO reason. The songs speak to me, but I can't figure out why. Today, this has been on heavy repeat... (I even made a Pandora station around this song)

The Car

This is part (a SMALL part) of what I did while I was in Memphis

Throwback Tuesday 2

I smooth forgot I owe you guys 2 vids today... (my bad)

This is a personal fave, AND Bow Wow sampled it in his new song. As a matter of fact, I still haven't listened to his whole song because I get caught up singing this one..

TLC - Baby baby baby
Uploaded by welcomeback

Look What I Found

She couldn't open the door, couldn't get over the railing... Lord, that poor woman would've been so dead.

Throwback Tuesday

Hello Johnny

Johnny Gill - My My My
Uploaded by klmbaby

Look What I Found

My posting has been at this obscenely unacceptable level because I've been out of town. Any of you who follow me on Twitter know it's been ridiculous. I'm going out of town again on Friday and so that'll throw me off as well. I did manage to get two posts in -- and I know I owe you guys a Throwback Tuesday. We'll double up next week.

Couple of videos to share for Look What I Found... hope you enjoy...



I have to give Thembi credit for putting me on this one. She has it posted over at What Would Thembi Do? This mess right here is unacceptable on so many levels. Forget what they're doing, WHY are they videotaping this stupidity? Youtube has been a great addition to our lives, but it's making some people stupid.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

MSNBC knows they were wrong for this... and if you don't get the jokes... well, consider yourself now an informed citizen as far as the "grassroots" efforts going on in our country. :)

Throwback Tuesday

I posted this on my facebook yesterday. I couldn't wait! :)

Inoj - Let Me Love You Down