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2.14.2010

Forever

It may not mean nothing to ya'll/But understand nothing was done for me/And I don't plan on stoppin' at all/I want this sh*t forever, man
Why do we talk in terms of "forever"? Why do we make promises about forever? Even when we know better??

I got to thinking about this while watching Season 1 of Lost. There's a flashback scene where one of the characters is sitting in a car listening to a tape she and her "boyfriend" made when they were younger. At one point he predicts their future -- they will be married and have 9 kids, he says on the tape. In fact, that's not what happened. He married another woman (the rest of their story is yet to be shown at this point...)

It made me think of all types of "forever" promises I've made. You mean them when you say them, that's for sure. But why do we ever speak in terms of forever? We know we can't know what's going to happen, things change and even though we may really love someone... forever promises seem so...so..futile.

But how else do you convey to someone how seriously you care for them? Perhaps we talk about forever because that's the only way we know to prove we mean it. "We'll be together forever." -- I don't even want to think about how many times I've said or heard that. I always meant it and believed it, but now -- well right now I feel kinda foolish. Why didn't we ever think that anything is possible and that forever might not be realistic?

One of my friends said,
I personally have always kinda liked the way "forever" sounds ...it just rolls so easily off the tongue ...that is until it starts rolling backwards and chokes you, by the time you spit it out, its gotten much smaller ...the ever's been chopped off and you're stuck adding quantities to the end of "for" just so it doesnt get lonely ..ya know like "for...10 months, for ...15 minutes..."
I mean -- that's so on point, I'm not sure I can say much else. It feels good coming out but then it comes back and it never looks the way you envisioned it in your head or heard in your heart when you said it...

Another friend said,
I'm partial to the qualifier "for the foreseeable future" LOL!
I'm going to have to follow her lead... cause "forever" may feel good but it hasn't quite worked out for me...

18 comments:

Classic said...

I personally like "forever" but I believe everything we as humans say must be taken with a grain of salt. I think alot of concepts we throw out there like "love" and "respect", we probably don't understand. When someone throws out any of those concepts, I always ask myself two questions "DO they believe what they're saying?" and "Am I willing to take the chance they can't live up to these words?" If I answer, yes. That is enough to at least face that frontier with that person. :) - Classic

Assertive Wit said...

Saying "forever" to someone, in my mind, is like saying "I promise". I have NEVER made a promise I didn't keep because, to me, my word is part of who I am. I'm known for keeping my word and to renege on something I said I would do feels like...wrong.

Now when it comes to relationships, using "forever" and "I promise" are ingredients for creating a future disaster. I stay away from them and I make sure the person involved with me knows how I feel about exchanging those words.

I'm gonna start using "for the foreseeable future"...it seems safe :)

Reecie said...

oh you are watching Lost now too! seems like lots of folks are starting the series lately. its my favorite tv show right now.

but on forever, I think of it like I think of never. I try not to make definite promises of anything. I'm a woman of my word, but I don't like to predict the future--you never know life's circumstances so I try to just roll with the punches day by day.

A.Smith said...

@Classic -- I like your angle on thinking about whether or not they believe it. That's important to consider, for sure.

@Assertive Wit -- Yeah, I'm a person of my word as well and I take that seriously. I think that's why it got under my skin to consider how I've used "forever" in the past but have little to show for that right now. I think speaking to other people about how I feel about it is a good call, too. I don't like throwing "love" around (I think that word's a weapon when used untruthfully) and now I don't like to throw "forever" around either.

@Reecie -- Oh man, I've gotten on Lost and now I can't stop. Being stuck in the house for almost a full week helped me out a lot.

You hit on exactly what I'm thinking. There's nothing about the future we can be certain of, and yet we throw "forever" around like we got a crystal ball sitting in front of us. One day at a time... one day at a time...

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

LOL @ for the foreseeable future. I can't remember the last time I referred to something as forever because there's always some doubt in my mind even if I have the best of intentions.

CareyCarey said...

Okay, absolutes are tricky thangs, but I can't believe you women. There's a saying that goes something like... "Call those things that are not, as if they are.

I mean, if your heart says this will be forever, then roll with it. Looking back before you move forward is a sure road map for toil and trouble.

Of course, lying is another thing. If a person knows something will not be forever, then hey, don't put yo' hands on it.

Of the woman who have commented, I wonder how many have been hurt by love. I'm just askin', Ashley. I mean, I don't know if you've noticed, but if you give a smile, in most cases you'll receive one.

"Okay Carey, what did you mean by that"?

I don't know but I had to say something to balance out "foreseeable future". That sounds like some of that Republican trickle down mess :-).

A.Smith said...

@CurvyGirl ♥ - We all know what road is paved with good intentions right? I like your better safe than sorry attitude.

@CareyCarey - Your comments are always my fav... LOL at you needing to balance out "forseeable future" What can I say? I like the CYA aspect it provides.

Ok, how about we just don't talk about the future aside from what's necessary? Let your heart say forever and your mouth say something else? No -- still too cynical? ::sigh::

It's fire, Carey. I swear it's FIRE.

Oh and I obviously can't and won't speak for these other ladies, but who hasn't been hurt by love?

Reecie said...

to answer the question, yes I've been hurt by love but I'm also a hopeless romantic. I'm not jaded at all but I can be a bit guarded.

In the past I did have a pattern with relationships, super optimist then the super pessimist, then the optimist again. lol I live life now as an optimistic pessimist. Meaning I try to see the good in most things/people but in the back of my mind I don't put ish past anybody. I mean, I'm a Libra--therefore I can't be just one or the other, shoot me. lol.

I can honestly say I'm in love and I think I'm with the right person for me. it feels right. I'm hopeful for forever yet you just never know...

CareyCarey said...

Reece, you were doing fine. Woman I was cheering you along. I said to myself "yes, hope is still alive". I was sticking my tongue out at Ashley and er'thang. But then... This:

"I can honestly say I'm in love and I think I'm with the right person for me. it feels right. I'm hopeful for forever yet you just never know..."


NO REECIE! Scratch out the "you just never know"

Oh lord, what am I going to do with Ms. Smith and her gurl friends.

See, how are you gonna be an optimistic pessimist. That's like breaking wind and pointing your finger at someone else. You either did or you didn't, you're either a pessimist or you're not. Well, to be fair, I guess you can be pessimistic on certain thangs. But heck, don't put a stain on your love.

Check this, if you never say never (in this case forever), you are actually signing a reservation order.

Two sistas talking: #1 "I told you girl, I didn't say it wouldn't happen, so I am right. That negro is gone"

#2 "yeah girl, ain't nothing like being right"

#1 "Yep, lets go tell Ms Smith how right we are"

#2 "hold up, Ashley is out with her man"

#1 "WHAT! Damn it! Come to think of it, she said she was going to ride the wings of hope and leave Miss pessimist by the road side.


#2 "but see, we right"

#1 "gurl, don't be right, get right and get out of my face. I am going to find Mr Optimistic"


The End.

Reecie said...

CareyCarey you are a trip! but you've given me something to think about...I appreciate that! :-)

A.Smith said...

Carey, this "gurl, don't be right, get right and get out of my face. I am going to find Mr Optimistic" is my new Gchat status.

Meanwhile, stop making good points for a second and let me live in my anti-forever space.

@Reecie - I shan't lie, I too consider(ed) myself an optimistic pessimist. A realist who, from time to time, enjoys hope inspite of all the risk.

SparklyHero said...

When I struggled with anger, I had a habit of saying "never" and "ever," which are extremes like "forever." But I'm careful about using forever. I think we're addicted to saying it in songs, and it caught on. I don't even write it in my songs, but I sure do sing it in other people's songs.

Flying Mermaid said...

I think different people are programmed for different degrees of "foreverness", and the true forever is not necessarily a good thing. I tend to love forever any with whom I've really been in love. This does not mean that we've stayed together, that we've necessarily BEEN together, technically, or that we've even had any contact for a long time. It does not even mean I WISH we were still together. It only means I have a stubborn heart.

Flying Mermaid said...

P.S. I recently watched all 5 seasons of Lost, practically straight through, and can't stand that I have to wait so many months to see the end. But even thinking about the end upsets me, because I wish it would go on FOREVER!

Kim said...

Well actually they do reveal the fate of that couple on Lost, but I won't reveal it to those catching up. It's a doozie...

As far as forever goes, let me steal a quote from another TV show Sex and the City. Carrie says "I can't take a vow of forever when what I mean is for the foreseeable future". I plan on taking the same approach to my marriage. If I'm going into it thinking "Well if it doesn't work out I can always get divorced..." I'm stopping it right there. I know "stuff happens" but bump that. When I get married, I'm gonna make sure that he's the one. Divorce will not be an option. You're stuck with me for-ev-er.

CareyCarey said...

YEA! YES YES YES To KIm. Go KIM, CLAIM IT!

Opps, sorry Ms Smith :-).

Btw, [carey] Meanwhile, stop making good points for a second and let me live in my anti-forever space.

Okay, we can shake on that if you promise to stay out of my kool-aid over at my blog *wink*

I can't believe you asked me about that woman *lol*

Akirah said...

Forever is a very scary word to me. I think that's why marriage scares the crap outta me.

Reecie said...

now I actually do believe that when I get married it will be forever. go figure. lol

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