The Cliff

I think there are two types of people, generally...

Those who can take a lot and those who cannot.

Those in the latter group are the firecrackers. The short-fuses. The clap-with-every-word-spoken-to-make-a-point types. But they're also quick to get over it. They build, they blow, the move on. You may never know what you're going to get, but you can rest assured that it'll go to the other end of the scale in just a few moments.

I'm a member of the first group. I am slow to anger; most folks have never seen me truly angry. I have a large threshold for foolishness and if I like you, I'll tolerate almost anything, for some amount of time. But when I blow, it's game over. I don't really "come back" from it. I'm over it and I'm over you.

It's one of the things that I have a hard time getting people to believe me. Folks have known me for years and years and never experienced my anger. Some of them think I really don't or can't get mad. That is incorrect. And this isn't something you want to learn by experience.

I thought about this as I continue to process some things that have happened. J was the first person to "push too far." I remember warning him, even though I'd never experienced it. Something inside me, though, felt like once it broke it'd be broken.

And true enough, when it went too far, it went too far and it took me years to come back and even be ready to do the work to rekindle our friendship; of course by then it was too late. Whole other story.

So here I sit now, two broken friendships. One that could be mended, but I doubt the other person will be able to do that hard work long term and another that as of right now, I have no desire to see it fixed. Mostly because I don't like what I saw in this person as our friendship deteriorated and I tried to salvage something.

Anyway, I feel myself almost repulsed at the idea of having to deal with the friendship or the individual. I'm over it -- I got pushed too far. And maybe in a couple of years that'll change; hell, maybe in a few months, but it's so revealing to recognize how little I care about something that mattered so much to me just a little while ago.

It also rings the famous Maya Angelou quote - "when people tell you who they are, believe them" - so much louder and more true than before.

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