Check Yourself...

Subtitled: I'm going all the way in, cause it's all the way live...

Some good friends of mine -- more like family -- ok, their whiteness aside, if you saw us out, you'd SWEAR they were my family (parents, brothers...) have fallen prey to both our ridiculous economy and some subpar individuals and they lost their home. While I was home this weekend, I spent half my day helping them move their stuff to a storage unit (the first half of my day was spent in the E.R. -- kidney stones -- worst pain EVER).

In talking to them, I was reminded of a people-habit I can't stand. I call it the "Hit Dogs Holler" syndrome (license pending). If you throw a lone rock into a pack of unsuspecting dogs, whichever dog got hit will holler...

There's really only one person responsible for Edward (not his real name) losing his job and thus being unable to pay the mortgage on the family home (and it's not Edward). However, there are A TON of other people who know what happened and aren't asking questions...

But what those people ARE doing is calling the family and asking a lot of leading questions and making a lot of out of line statements.

Sarah (not her real name) broke it down for me like this:
They call and they ask how we are. Then they ask how the job hunt's coming. And when I tell them we lost our house because we were promised payments we never received, they get really quiet and suddenly don't want to talk about it.

But there are others who are so determined to "identify" with what we're going through. They talk about how they lost their job once or how they went through a really rough time, but the thing about it is, they didn't lose their homes, they were able to draw unemployment because their boss paid into the system. They were able to stay afloat. They can't identify with what we're going through.

I ask them, "did you lose your home? No. You didn't. So shut up"

My favorite people, though, are the ones who call like they want me to absolve them of their part in what happened. So many people know the truth, but won't step up to the plate and they call me like I'm supposed to understand. I don't.
Why can't people hear you're going through a struggle and just say they're sorry? Or say they understand this is difficult?

But more than that, what's with people who know they did you wrong calling you and wanting you to act like everything's ok?

One more case...

I had a status up once -- maybe facebook, maybe gchat -- that expressed my anger at people who take, take, take and never give. I think I said something like, "before you ask someone to do something for you, try to think of the last time you did something for them, and if they happen to tell you 'hell no' you'll already know why."

I got a LOT of phone calls/texts/emails off that. Some of them had explanations for why they do that (take take take), others all but said, "were you talking about me..."

A friend of mine and I talked about how when people pipe up because of statuses they read, it's usually a good sign they're a guilty party and they know it.

Maybe it's human nature to read something negative, recognize ourselves in it, and feel the need to seek someone to absolve you of your "sins" but... we gotta get that together. If you're sorry, say that. If you're not -- well, that's cool. Keep it pushing, though. I can't proclaim I hate selfish people then tell you that it's ok for you to be selfish. That's ridiculous.

"Hit Dogs Holler" syndrome is rampant and I'm sure all of us have fallen ill with at some point or another (myself included) but can we work on getting our booster shots and quit with the #foolishness?


Anonymous said...

A friend of mine and I talked about how when people pipe up because of statuses they read, it's usually a good sign they're a guilty party and they know it.

Hell to the yes! Some Facebook drama popped off throughout the very small Black community on campus because people thought the criticism of slackers was about them. I just say, "Well..." (insert head tilt)

AssertiveWit and Babybottoms said...

OMG! Logan's dad and I were JUST talking about this last night and this morning. We both got laid off our jobs and those closest to us KNOW that; our situation hasn't changed but we CONSTANTLY get "what can I do to help"...umm, you already know what you can do, just do it IF you want to help SO much...otherwise, STFU...

and don't get me started on ALL the people who want to relay their stories of tough times they went through in the past...umm, I don't care about that shit when I'm about to get evicted out of my apartment...sorry to sound like an ass but f*ck yo previous hardship when I can't keep my head above water to save my life with that and then I'll listen to your sob story all day, otherwise get off my phone, FB, twitter, IM, until you can help...

sorry for the mini's just frustrating as hell and I hate that I can relate to this

A.Smith said...

@Jasmin - Facebook is an interesting place. That's all I can really say. I mean, there shouldn't be drama poppin' off 'cause of a status, but I know just like you do that it happens all the time.

One phone call... "Girl... did you see her status?"

@AssertiveWit and Babybottoms - Um, shoutout to Babybottoms, first off.

I see you feel me and that's all that needs to be said. Your rant was spot on because that's EXACTLY what happens. Stop calling me to make me make you feel better for not doing ANYTHING to help me.

"Girl, I'd send you some money, but..."

Ok, get off my phone with that b.s.

Anonymous said...

"I ask them, "did you lose your home? No. You didn't. So shut up"

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

So where did they go after they moved?

A.Smith said...

Kit - They're moving in with his mom for now and then when the middle son finishes school for the year, they'll decide whether or not to move to her parents' home -- depending on whether or not they've found a job.

The problem is he's a Youth Minister and she's a teacher. Apparently the nearby schools aren't hiring and neither are the churches...

FreeMan said...

Well you are a trooper. My brother had kidney stones and he was done. So take heart that you have a big and tough heart to keep it moving.

I got a big family and I usually don't count on them to help. Not because they can't but because sometimes so ol pety crap from 1991 will come up and make them hate in 2010. Sometimes people are just selfish and during bad times everyone thinks the 20 can't be spared. Either way there's not rhyme or reason for it with family it just is.

The dog getting hit thing is common. I am sure people on my blog think I am talking about them and I never met them at all. People know they are doing wrong but they don't think you notice. When you do they feel they need to attack or clarify which in makes them tell on themselves. Some people just ain't stable and they don't know who they are as a person. So they fight tooth and nail to hold on to the wrong idea. That's why you got those calls and texts and emails. They read something in your response that you didn't even know about them.

A.Smith said...

FreeMan - Loved your comment. A lot, actually.

The kidney stones were soooo painful. That was definitely the worst pain I've ever experienced. A lady I know told me "I've had kids and I've had kidney stones -- kidney stones are bad." So, yeah -- no thanks.

I could do a whole other post on how people want forgiveness but won't give it first. I can't with those people and like you, I don't. Family or otherwise.

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