Life Lessons and so Forth

I really am doing a lot of growth and it is so cool to learn a lesson and be present for the learning of said lesson.

Today, 2 people that I haven't spoken to in months reached out to me. Two people I consider friends and have known for several years and two people who's relationships with me are great examples of the varying things in my life I'm learning how to handle.

The lesson I learned today is that if you wait, things always come back around. People can't deny themselves a good thing.

I'm my own worst critic especially when it comes to skills I believe I should have. Skills like patience. But even in my deepest criticism I've always felt my lack of patience comes in times when I'm being most irritated. Not in the every day thing of doing life, but I came to understand today that I just lack patience.

A story I shared about a year ago IMMEDIATELY came to mind. My BFF told me to stop and drop it. He told me the situation didn't need any further involvement from me and I needed to wait. If it was going to happen, the other party would initiate it, but that any push from me would be too much.

I intended to heed his advice. I did. He's my BFF and he has my best interest at heart (most of the time) but my patience wouldn't let me. I wanted a yes or no, up or down, in or out, stop or go answer RIGHT THEN, and I got it. And even if I imagine that it's the answer I would've gotten in any case, it didn't need to be right then.

See, my problem was balancing allowing people to do what they wanted with me doing what I wanted. I thought that if I didn't wait to make moves in my life until all the people I wanted in my life had gotten in their seats and strapped on their belts, I'd leave some people behind that I really love and really care about.

In processing and unpacking this tonight, I thought about the age old question: if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around, does it make a sound?

My answer: absolutely. Sound exists independently of ears/sound receivers. Sometimes there are things around to pick up on the sound when it's made, but whether these things are present or not, sound is there. In another analogy, I left my school's campus tonight. Just because I'm not there doesn't mean it's leaving. In fact, it's trusting that barring some major event, it will be there in the morning that allows me to function. I can come and go as I please knowing it will be there for whatever I need it for.

Anyway, it all brings me back to this. I had a fear that came from a misunderstanding. I was treating my relationships like sound and believing that not being there meant the sound wasn't happening.

Here's the truth: If I decide to keep it pushing if a person can't decide what role they want to play in my life's script, I really might leave them behind, but guess what -- that's ok.

And even better, odds are, they'll catch up. I let my actions toot my own horn for me, but I really am a good thing and people cannot deny themselves a good thing. They always come back. The risk THEY run is that I may not be open to letting them back in. That's their risk to take, though. I don't need to mitigate it by placing my life/emotions/wants/needs on the back burner while they get it right. First off, that gives them FAR too much control and secondly, it allows me to not take responsibility for not being where I want to be.

I had finally said to myself, "hey -- I love 'em, but if they don't want to be on this ride, that is their business and this ride cannot stop..." and no sooner had I said that, then they asked to get back on. I don't doubt for one second that one, if not both of them, will step off as soon as they know they can get back on, but that's fine. This ride moves whether passengers are present or not. THEIR presence does not change it's existence. This is today's life lesson.

I'ma tell y'all something, this growth and change and alladat is HARD WORK, but I'm happy to be doing it.