In My Own Time

My new television obsession is Army Wives. A show about 4 women - 3 wives of soldiers and one a soldier - and their families. It's been a huge hit on the Lifetime network for years now, and I refused to watch it until recently I decided to give the first episode a shot (since Netflix recommended it and all 5 seasons were available). I was in love with the show from the moment I hit play.

In tonight's episode, Nicole, a captain in Intelligence and her fiance Charlie (short for Charlotte) have trouble deciding the best way to tell Nicole's mom, who will be visiting to see Nicole be awarded a Bronze Star, that they are engaged. It's been made clear from previous episodes that Nicole's mom is aware that she is gay but is unwilling to accept it and in this episode, Charlie shares that Nicole's mom calls her "Nicole's roommate."

If you've watched enough television drama you can probably guess what happened. Nicole promised to tell her mom, and when it appeared that she wouldn't, Charlie blurted it out leaving Nicole and her mom very upset.

Charlie's character is "colorful" to use her own words and so aside from the real human stuff involved her, it reasoned that she would pull something like that. I thought Nicole was a bit short-sighted to not recognize that this might happen and take steps to prevent it.

That being said, Charlie didn't give Nicole any time to tell her mom. In fact, her mom had just arrived when Charlie got antsy and shared the big news. I thought that was a bit rude.

I do things in my own time. Call it hardheaded or stubborn or whatever, but I don't do anything (well, most anything) until I'm good and ready.

Take, for example, carrying a purse. Let it be said I don't do girly stuff; I never have. And even as my friends began carrying a purse at young ages, I didn't see the point. Even at 16 when it was expected that I would carry a purse I didn't. All I had was a wallet (a man's trifold velcro wallet) with my license and whatever other random cards I could find to stick in it. What'd I need a purse for? I stuck the wallet in my back pocket and went on about my day.

My mother ranted for months about that. The best compromise I could come up with was not carrying the wallet which, she told me, made me look like a boy. I simply stuck my ID and money in my pocket. I just didn't see the point in carrying a purse for one item.

That is, until I did see a point and one day while out shopping with my mother I spotted a blue purse that struck my fancy, I bought it (well, my mother bought it since she was so happy I wanted one) and I've been carrying a purse (for the most part) ever since.

This thing with me carries on to the big things as well and it can be detrimental -- like not ending relationships when I know I should because I'm just not ready. I live with the consequences of my choices, however.

Ultimately, all this means that when I tell you I'm going to handle something, you need to just let me handle it. The quickest way to piss me off, is to force my hand on something that should've been left up to me to handle. It's just not fair. While I totally felt where Charlie was coming from -- not wanting her relationship with Nicole to continue to be ignored by someone important in Nicole's life -- Nicole also promised to handle it and she had a right to be left to do that with her own mother. Nicole strikes me as someone who does things in her own time and her time table just wasn't what Charlie was looking for.

I try to be clear with people who my decision my effect what my timeline is, if I have one, but often all I can do is promise that it will be done and sometimes that's gotta be enough.