Let's Cheat

There's a song by Tango Redd and it features Lloyd. It's called Let's Cheat. I won't lie, the song is a guilty pleasure of mine and there have absolutely been times where the lyrics (posted at the end of this shpiel) were thoughts I've had.
But let's be clear: cheating is wrong. It's always wrong. There is never a time where cheating is acceptable, ok or the right thing to do. When you are in a committed relationship and you choose to step outside of that relationship, you are wrong and so is the person who goes into that with you, if they know about your situation.

Having said that, though, I have to admit that when I was in a committed relationship (3+ years) I considered cheating. I also came to understand why some people cheat. I've long said (and still say) that if you find yourself in a situation with someone and you no longer want to be in that situation, then get out of it. There's no reason to sleep with someone else because you're unhappy. Free yourself to be with whomever makes you happy. I've since had second thoughts about that statement, but in the end I always come back to it.

I understand that sometimes people cheat not because they don't care about their significant other or because they're unhappy or because they don't want to be in that relationship.. sometimes people cheat just because they can. A guy is out at the club, meets a girl who's gonna give up the goods and so he goes for it. Not ok, not acceptable but that had nothing to do with his girlfriend and had everything to do with him.

In my case, the times I did consider cheating it was always because that would've been so much easier than having a complicated conversation with my boyfriend about how unhappy I was. The majority of our 3 year relationship was spent long-distance, and let me say, LD relationships SUCK. There's no two ways about it and very few people can do it long-term. In fact, my advice is ALWAYS: If you don't see the distance between you and your significant other changing for the better in the NEAR future (6-8 months) then you need to reconsider things. People don't realize what distance will do to you, but it hurts. And my unhappiness was because of something neither of us could fix and I became more unhappy as I looked down the line of our relationship and didn't see either one of us being able to change it. If I had cheated (and maybe I did, I'll get back to that) it would not have been ok, but there was more to it than selfishness, at least I think.

So all this talk about cheating, but can we define it? The reason I said maybe I cheated on my boyfriend (and since we've been apart now for going on a year, we have talked about this) is because I had an emotional relationship with someone else that I did not and on some levels could not have with him. I go back and forth over whether it was cheating because I'm a big believer in intent. I think your intentions can make all the difference in the world, in certain situations. I did not become attached to this man because of any sexual attraction. We connected on a deeper level and I did not try to stop it or change it and I wasn't honest with my boyfriend about it. This calls into question the definition of cheating. To keep it simple, I look at it like this:

If you are in a relationship, a committed, two-way relationship with another person and you have a relationship with another person that you either would not or could not divulge all of the details of which to your significant other, you. are. cheating. The end. In other words, if your significant other couldn't be a fly on the wall any and every time you come into contact with the other person, you're effin' up (no pun intended).

I've seen the cheating situation from both sides of the fence. I was cheated on (ironic, I know) and between having seriously considered cheating, potentially having cheated emotionally and having NO friends who've never cheated/been cheated on... I've heard all the arguments. I have more sympathy for a cheater than I used to (when your close friends fall under that category, you learn to care) but overall, I have little tolerance for it, especially when done repeatedly. Breaking up IS hard to do, but if you're cheating on the regular, it's time to be out. It's time for you to AT LEAST take a break and reconsider your life and what you're all about as a person. I mean, seriously, serial-cheating requires serious work. The lying and the scheduling... let's keep it real. If you cheat regularly, you spend more time working to keep it a secret than you do either a)enjoying the "fruits of your labor" or b)working on your (obviously) failing relationship.

I think I'm mostly disappointed in our generation/society that acts as if cheating is an alright thing to do. It's not, but people don't shun and disapprove of it the way they used to. We allow our friends to cheat on their boyfriends and girlfriends while turning a blind eye, if we are the cheater, we fully expect that if we're caught we should be given a second chance AND what's worse is that if we are the victim we give a second chance with almost no consequences. I'll just say this on the topic, 'cause I know the who, why, when, where, what and how of a person who takes a cheater back differs greatly from situation to situation: If you allow someone back into your space after betraying you without consequences that lets them know that what they did wasn't ok, you're setting yourself up to be betrayed again. Disagree with that if you'd like, but think long and hard about what I'm saying, first.

So all in all -- cheating is wrong, I may have cheated and I empathize a little with cheaters... but it's not ok to cheat on someone repeatedly because you're to lazy to (wo)man up and be about your stuff. I feel like that should go without saying, though.

*The lyrics, as promised, are below -- and as a disclaimer, while I enjoy this song and may even relate a little, from time to time, to the lyrics... I don't encourage it. lol*

Tango Redd f/ Lloyd -- Let's Cheat
Chorus:
Girl dont turn yo phone off let it be action tell him you was wit ya homegirl and the music was blastin tonight thell be no issues no commitments after lets cheat tonight lets cheat tonight lets cheat tonight lets cheat
Verse1:
Sweet boy yes u already know
You gotta man but the nigga keep treatin you wrong
So pretty lady wont chu follow me home
Forget about cho man baby baby come where u belong
I know the feelings that chu had for him strong
Think bout it good looks and the crieg clogne
Clearly u see the picture is drawn
5'6with body of filet mignon
Sexy ass lil crabbery bone
Im only hea for one night so if u going come on
Yeauh i know u think cheating is wrongbut what love got to do with me and making you moan
Your body tone and the way that you work
Got me wishin waitin and ready to get under dat skirt
So baby take yo mind off dat jerk
And have a good time what he dont know wont hurt

Chorus:
Chorus:
Girl dont turn yo phone off let it be action tell him you was wit ya homegirl and the music was blastin tonight thell be no issues no commitments after lets cheat tonight lets cheat tonight lets cheat tonight lets cheat
Verse 2:
Ima pimp wit a grown mind
I shine babygurl i dont needa spit a line
I get mine got a man thats find but chu no in your mind
That you will have a better time if you throw me a sign
Got your eyes wide shut from the ectasy and xo
Babygirl turn off your metro
Give me the green light girl we kud let go
Toss your legs out the window of the 6-4
Show you things that your man prolly dont no
Show u what a real nigga really down to ride for
Tonight prolly wont happen no more
Take advantage of the chance baby go with the flow
Let your seat back baby let ur hair blow
Take you places shawty you aint never been before
Rain sleet or snow it will never stop the grow
Neva mind yo man baby he will neva know

Got what you need shorty give me what you like
I wanna take you out tonight