Answering My Own Questions (or, Blurry Lines and Confusing Space II)

If you haven't read my post on "when's a friend more than a friend?" you should, so that this one can make sense: Blurry Lines and Confusing Space

So in said blog I posed a question: Is the only difference between the relationship one has with a best friend and the relationship one has with a significant other, sex?

Thanks to some new adventures (read: people) in my life, I've been pondering that question. For me, it takes on an interesting twist because my best friend is a male. A heterosexual male. And as I go on in life, I'm finding that heterosexual female - heterosexual male "friendships" just don't happen. I'm becoming more and more concerned with my own friendship because he really is an awesome presence in my life and to think that something could come through and mess that up scares me. SO, that along with another major issue got me to wondering... and I posed the question here as well as talked to a few friends.

This morning, however, as I was getting ready for work, it hit me... the answer to my question is no. But allow me to briefly show you the journey that brought me to that conclusion (of course names are changed to protect the "innocent," lol)

I have a friend, Cindy. Cindy has, in the past, had romantic relationships with women and for the most part considered herself bi-sexual. In a conversation Cindy and I were having about men, she said something along the lines of, "There's nothing about what I do that's any different from what most women do. Most women have their girlfriends. The ones they call up and b*tch and moan to about how their boyfriends are messing up. The ones they go out with. The ones they trust. I just take it a step further."

Cindy never defined what "a step further" meant. But I would think that's because it's pretty obvious. Sex. Her argument is that the only thing different between what she's doing and what women across the globe do is that with her girlfriends, she engages in sex. And that's how I felt... or at least that's what I thought...

Cindy and I actually speak a lot. In fact, we talk everyday and she is, quite often, the last person I talk to before I go to sleep. What are we talking about? Everything. We just met, so there's a lot to talk about. Does this sound familiar? Like maybe the process one goes through when they meet a potential significant other. These days people call it "talking." Of course this might bring you to think... wait... is Cindy trying to get with me? No. Cindy actually recently decided that women aren't for her, not romantically. So I know she's straight. I know I'm straight... so what is this?

This morning, it occurred to me (as I sleepily searched for something to wear) that the last time I was up late on the phone like this, on a consistent basis, was when I was in a relationship (that ended, not so fun) about a year and a half ago. But there was a giddy feeling I had (well, during the conversations where we didn't fight) that I absolutely don't have when I talk to Cindy. Talking to her is like talking to an old friend, which is interesting since we're new friends, but there's not giddy-ness, no butterflies in my stomach, no unexplained smile on my face... none of that... because there IS more to what differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic friendship. There definitely is. The problem is that we struggle to articulate it. I mean, sure I just tried to with "giddy-ness" and "butterflies..." but if you've ever been there, you know my words are close but not complete.

So the difference between a romantic relationship and a dating relationship is sex, and a whole lot of other stuff that people just have a hard time articulating. It feels good to be done mulling over that.

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