Open Relationships pt II

I actually had something else lined up to tap out today, but then I had a conversation last night that changed my plans.

I'll start off by referring you to my previous post on Open Relationships. It helps to know, because I'm building off that.

Same person, similar conversation (prompted by an ENTIRELY different situation). And after us both saying stuff we'd said before, she hits me with:

Men lie. They don't want to lie, but they do. So if I'm in an open relationship that takes the need for lying off the table and we can both be sure we're safe because we know we gotta get tested. And I don't have to go around wondering if he's sleeping around with other people and bringing some nasty disease back to me..."

I'm actually inclined to agree with about 98% of that statement. I'd take it a step further and say that people lie. People don't want to lie, but they do. And people especially lie when in relationships... but I don't know that an open relationship is the appropriate long-term solution. So my response was something like:

I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who can legitimately be in a long-term open relationship. I think most people like the idea of an essential free-for-all, but when you try to put it into practice, it doesn't work right. People's emotions get involved and when emotions show up, there's no making a logical or sound decision. I think you'd be better off just finding someone who'll just be honest.

She, of course, laughed at me because we differ on this one point: I need to see the good in people. My immediate assumption about the vast majority of people I run across is that somewhere inside, they are truly a good person with the best intentions. This of course has lead to many a problem, BUT it's part of how I view the world so that's me... in any case, she doesn't see it like that. To be blunt (and perhaps even put words in her mouth) most people are out to get what they can get by any means necessary. I'm the innocent until proven guilty, she's the guilty until... well... God comes down and says you're innocent. So I think you can find someone who will care about you and your relationship enough to just be honest and she disagrees.

I'll just repeat what I said before: open relationships can be useful and even fun if used for a short-term solution. Long-term, those things just don't sound right. I've never met a person who can deal with what an open-relationship means long-term. Not ever. Because even if they don't say it, you get attached to the other person and to think of them going off and having a ball with people other than you hurts. That isn't a good foundation for a long-term relationship. It can't be.

Having said that... this whole open relationship conversation we've been having is, in my opinion, actually a symptom of a bigger thing... not sure just yet what it is, but I'm getting there...