Dynamics of Relationships

I have always been able to remember that one definition of dynamic is to stretch, or give because of dynamic climbing ropes. Without a whole lot of background extra (that no one cares about) I used to do a fair share of outdoors stuff, including climbing and rappelling. When you're climbing you want to use a rope that will give a little when you hang from it. There's nothing like falling and being caught by a static rope that doesn't give at all. It hurts.

Same with relationships. They've gotta be dynamic, and we have got to allow them to be that way. Nothing hurts worse, ironically, than expecting static and getting dynamic in a relationship. I don't mean to suggest that we should sit back and take whatever we get in any relationship. Rather, I mean that we have to be open to the changes that relationships naturally go through. They have their ups and downs and in betweens. It's never easy to be comfortable in a situation and then have that situation change on you, but, being aware that change happens, and can be healthy, can help you deal with that.

I thought of this topic while I was perusing some OLD blog entries from a friend of mine. 4 years ago, she and I were getting ready to start college (actually, by this time 4 years ago, we were both knee-deep in our first year...). And in one of her blog entries nearer to when we were all heading off our separate ways, she mentioned that it had begun to dawn on her that things were about to massively change. I also recall the last night my best friend (at the time) and I hung out before I headed off to college (she followed a week later). We hugged each other and in a way that only we could, acknowledged that things most likely wouldn't be the same between us.

It's ironic now because she (the BFF) and I remained close and may have gotten closer in our first two years in college. Now, we're both on completely separate paths in life and I think it shows. On some levels, it's been sad to watch our relationship dwindle a little, but I've had to remind myself that it's important to let relationships go their natural ways. I fought to stay in a relationship that wasn't working (because it was changing and I didn't want to accept that). The result was that for 2 of the 5 years, I was miserable. As much as letting the relationship go it's own course would have been, looking back now, I can say that it most likely was far more painful fighting what happened anyway.

Some of my relationships change on a daily basis and I choose not to focus my time and energy in places where it won't matter. But there are those that are static for a few months or years and then either out of necessity or happenstance, begin to change. I'm trying to learn how to stay sane when sometimes it can feel like nothing is as it was. I look around at who I confide in, these days. Who I call my inner circle and it is so drastically different from just a few months ago. There was a time where that would have freaked me out, but a)I know that there are some people who may have to fade into the background for a myriad of reasons, but they will return to the foreground in due time and b)Change is good and learning how to deal with that change can be an invaluable lesson.

1 comment:

Glennisha Morgan said...

Hmmmm. I not too long ago ended relationship and friendships with both of my bestfriends. We all started to change or I'd like to say become more who we really are. What I saw in both of these people I did NOT like. So therefore I had to part ways. As much as I miss how we use to be and sometimes wish that we were still friends I know it was for the better. I think people either come in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

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