3rd Wheel

I cannot stand being 3rd wheel. It absolutely drives me crazy. Knowing this about myself, I don't kick it with my friends who are in a relationship by myself.

Why do I loathe it so? I'm not really sure. What I do know is watching two people all over each other while completely forgetting about my presence has never been something I enjoyed doing.

Enter my current problem:

So my friend B wants me to go on a trip with her and another one of my friends, D. I met D through B. D and B kinda are in a relationship, kinda aren't. While I know D doesn't really care if I go, I have a sneaking suspicion that if he could choose, D would choose that I not go so that they (D and B) could have some quality time.

I don't want to have to have this conversation with B. I don't want to have to tell her that I'd rather err on the side of caution and not go because she will go straight to D and demand that I go which in turn will create tension. Especially since this is all based on feelings I have, not on anything that's been said.

Oh, I forgot to mention I've spent the last 2 weekends with them. So while nothing's been said, I've seen all I need to see to know what'll happen if I go on vacation with them...

Guys, I'm a sucker. B will call me, she'll whimper and I'll give in and potentially be miserable. What's really messed up is that if I do make it through B's whimpering, she'll call D and D will call me and demand I go so that B won't be upset. I know, I know, gotta do what's right for me, but did I mention I'm a sucker? Has anyone picked up on how I let my friends run my life (sometimes)?

I was hoping to get lucky and they'd drop this whole vacation thing all together. I was beginning to wonder if they felt obligated to invite me because we've been pseudo-planning this all this time... So when our first plans fell through, I tried hinting that I'd rather go home and got shot down on that.

Guys, I'm fabulous, but I just refuse to believe they think I'm THIS fabulous.


Shantae said...

You should do what my aunt does! Just make plans with another one of your friends and then tell B that you can't go because you forgot you already made plans with someone else.

Though I don't condone them, little white lies help too *halo*

Alix said...

I agree with Shantae.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

I so use to be a people pleaser, please don't be like me and wait until you get in your 40s to stop. Do it now, let this be your first BIG girl move. Put you feelings in front of hers and just say, you've decided not to go. Don't let people pressure you into doing things you really don't want to. Not having the money is one thing, but really wanting to pass is something different. They will end up having fun and you will be wishing that you never came. One thing I've learned while walking this earth for almost 45 years (not counting when I was in diapers) LOL - but go with your intuition, we all have one. Real friends respect that.

Love, peace and blessings for standing up for yourself and what "you" want!

PS don't label youself a "sucker" it will stick to you.

A.Smith said...

Shantae - LOL @ little white lies help too. You make a good point.

Alix -- I'm going to say I made plans with you. LOL. When they ask me who you are, I need a good explanation. I'll let you come up with that. :)

A Free Spirit -- I think everyone has one major life lesson to learn and this one is mine. I know better, I really do, but there is some block there that I can't put my finger on for real. You're right, though, I need to think about me first, definitely -- this shouldn't be an issue.

Now if I could just go from knowing to doing.

An older lady I know used to always say "When you know better, you do better" which I always hung on to, but I seem to need an extra step in there somewhere...

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