Things We Don't Apologize For: Who We Are

Yesterday:Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself
Today:Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.

Ok, I'm not going to really address the weight portion of this because there's a MUCH bigger thing here. I will say this: be healthy but do it for self. That includes losing 10 lbs because you want to and are willing to put in the work, not because somebody told you to. The end.

Now the bigger thing at play here is not apologizing for who you are. As I said before, that's really at the crux of all of these things -- don't apologize for being authentically you. In a society that has 50-11 other things for you to be than yourself, it's hard, but we have to make the choice to be who we are come hell or high water.

I love my mother. Lord knows I really do. Truly -- every day that passes I find one more reason to love her. I could go on for days about how much I heart her, but she works my last.good.nerve sometimes. My mother and I get along best when we're not in the same space for longer than about 5 days, and that's if we both pray regularly and act right. Most times, by day 2.5 I'm ready to strangle somebody. We've never gotten along in that dreamy world perfect way (I set that up as if it's unattainable, but truth be told, I see plenty of women who have wonderful and close relationships with their mothers). But of all the things my mother does that makes me want to take a spoon to my eye, I hate how she will INEVITABLY find something about me that I need to change.
"Are you really going to wear that?"

"You could probably miss a few meals"

"Why don't you do your hair this way?"
I mean the list is endless. EVERY.TIME I'm in her presence, something like that comes out, I kid you not. When I ask her to cut it out she always says something like
"I only tell you that because I love you."
We love people, we want the best for them, and sometimes we let wanting the best for them become being critical of who they are.

It's easy to see other people doing it, and harder to see us doing it to ourselves.

Now, obviously, accepting everyone in your life just as they are will not automatically mean everyone will accept you as you are. But what will often shoo the "alter yourself" folks away is learning to accept yourself. We usually don't apologize for things we like and support. Like and support who you are and you won't need to apologize for it, or the 10 lbs you might need to lose.

We need people in our lives who aren't afraid to tell us the hard stuff about us, but we also need those people to support us no matter what and we can start by making sure we're #1 on that list. Know your flaws, be willing to work on them, but be sure it's for self.

Tomorrow: Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn't mean you're cheap.


Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

A, Why are you wearing that, or don't lose 10 pounds, or change your hairstyle? Your mama really wants to know! When she gave birth to you, she had a clear idea of how her creation should be, just like her favorite recipe. You switched up her, by transforming from the recipe to the extra cook in the kitchen. We know that too many cooks in the kitchen spoil the broth.


My folks were the same way. For that matter, so are nearly all parents to some degree or another. As long as it's done out of love... ah, in the name of love (!) I could live with it, at least for five days... ;)

A.Smith said...


I believe her when she says she asks because she cares, but Lord I'd love it better if she just wouldn't ask. :) But I get your point. :)

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