Introducing Myself to Myself

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson

I didn't used to like this quote very much. I don't know why. Maybe I felt like it made no sense; maybe I felt like it was too abstract, I'm not sure, but today someone gave me this quote because it made them think of me and for the first time I resonated with it.

Katt Williams is often quoted for what he said about Whitney Houston. "Folks don't say the same sh*t about you for 10 years..." he says. There are things and characteristics in me that people see, pick up on and are drawn to that I've downplayed for years. I've acted like I'm not as awesome as people tell me I am. Partly because I haven't always thought it to be true and partly because I was afraid to lose people who might think I was too full of myself.

Just the other night as I had dinner with some friends, we talked about how we struggled to accept compliments. There are theories for why black folks struggle to just say thank you when someone pays them a compliment but at the end of the day it boils down to not feeling worthy. Not feeling like the compliment you're being given is accurate.

But today it clicked for me that I'll never get what it is God has for me if I don't accept the things He's already given me. He can't continue to bless me if I don't appreciate the blessings He's already bestowed. I play myself short to make those around me feel good; to remind them that I don't think they're less than me instead of stepping into what is mine because every time I don't, someone else does...

To paraphrase something I was told today: I am who I am, I deserve what I get and I'll never be all I can be or receive all I am due until I acknowledge those facts.

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