Mr. Good Enough

Recently a dear friend sent me an email encouraging me to read a book called: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. The premise is obvious. The author wants women to stop holding out for the man that meets all these random and ridiculous standards women sometimes have, and marry the guy with whom you can just be content. In the linked article discussing her book, the author says,

My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)

I actually don't agree with this author's argument at all and even further think that this is some white people isht if I ever saw it. I mean what is this "content" bull? I can be content ALONE... if I'm going to put with someone else's isht, in all it's various forms and ways, then dammit we better have something amazing going on in our relationship that's gonna be long lasting, because I don't put up with stuff for free, for nothing, for fun... nah... not at all.

I encourage you to go read her whole article on this point, mostly because while I don't agree with some of the specific things she says, including the insinuation that we shouldn't be looking for fly ass relationships, just ones that don't suck, I do agree with the overall sentiment: it's women out here not getting chose because they have this VERY specific list of qualities...no, make that facts... that must be true about any man they marry. And we've had this conversation in the blogosphere enough that we don't need to go there again except to reiterate that this manner of husband-seeking won't yield you much success.

What does work is recognizing that no one is perfect, including ourselves, and being willing to look over small issues/habits in order to see and have the bigger picture.

Another issue I take with this author's advice and suggestions is who it's directed to. Women ALWAYS get this lecture. This "stop waiting on Mr. Perfect, because he ain't out there" speech, but no one seems to be giving it to men. And then I see pairings like

Vincent Herbert and Tamar Braxton.

If I base my assessments off Tamar's reality show with her sisters, it seems like Vincent is a great guy. He's successful, devoted to his wife (who can be MORE than a handful at times)... a genuinely nice guy. But I can't help but ALWAYS think to myself that if Tamar looked like Vincent and Vincent like Tamar, Tamar wouldn't be married. In fact, we would say to ourselves and each other, "how dare Tamar act like that and be overweight..."

Weight is but one factor women are expected to accept in men but the expectation doesn't run both ways. From cockiness, to domestic abilities, men have some outlandish lists and women are out here working their behinds off to meet the requirements. On the flip side, men are more than happy to chuck the deuce and find some other chick who doesn't care that his hygiene ain't always at 100%, or that he could stand to see the inside of a gym, or see a stylist, or get a haircut, or... I could keep going.

We're always telling women to stop wanting so much, stop demanding so much, stop expecting so much and then tell them to be so much so that they can get chose. It's absolutely ridiculous and drives me crazy.

So no, I won't be reading this book about settling for Mr. Good Enough because I don't have a problem with the list of things that any man I get with needs to have/be/meet/know. There's nothing on that list that isn't true of myself. Like I told my friend, I don't need to pay money to be told that I need to let go of outrageous standards. I need someone to get out here and tell these men to get off the boo-boo (word to Pimp C.) and quit trippin.