Random (Invasive) Questions

Today, I got this text message:

"Hey just curious... And not to be offensive but, Do you like women? Ppl ask me do i all the time"

I'm not an easily offended person. And it's hard to be mad at this question because at least she had the (proverbial) balls to ask me instead of asking someone else. Few people these days do stuff like that. I guess I'm not upset (and really, I'm not upset) so much at the question as I am in a)the way it was asked and b)who asked it.

This girl and I went to high school together. We were friends in the way that when you go to a small private school, everyone is friends, especially the outnumbered black folks. She and I never would've been friends in the "real world" at best we might've been good aquaintances. I think we both know this. At this point, high school was 4 years ago. I've since graduated from college. And though we have kept in touch, it's been very random. It wasn't at first, but as we all grew up and realized we didn't actually have to talk to people we didn't like, anymore, people started to fall to the side.

I suppose the straw was when she (N) called me upset that two mutual friends of ours (A and W) were going to Atlanta to celebrate A's birthday. A and N are not really friends, more like frenemies and A has decided that she doesn't have to be around N, so she doesn't want to. It was her b-day, and I understand N was upset, but she took it out on me when I didn't have any say-so in the guest list. I wasn't even mad then (I'm hard to piss off) but I felt like that was a sign that I needed to cut ties.

She's tried to repair that, a little, I think. I'm a nice person -- and there's no reason for me to be a bitch, but I haven't reached out to her as I have in the past.

Anyway, I set all that up to explain how we don't communicate regularly enough for that question to be appropriate. I mean, I'm not gay, but if I were -- how's that any of her business. I try to hit on you, you ask me that. We're good friends, ask me that. You think one of my relationships is "odd" ask me... but you don't just wake up one day when we haven't spoken in at least 9 months and ask me that -- that's random and inappropriate.

I'm not upset with the question, I'm upset with the fact that she asked a personal question and she isn't... well... a personal friend.

I did answer her question because the girl is also a big-mouth. And while I really don't care what people think, I don't want to deal with all that madness.

On another note, I know for a fact she's not the first person to wonder that about me. I used to be really insecure about that. Not so much because of how homosexuality/bisexuality is perceived in our society, but more because if I am heterosexual but people still wonder, what's that say about me (I used to think). I've since grown the hell up and decided it doesn't matter. However, I think one big reason some people in my life wonder this is because I don't put my business in the street. Very few people know anything about my romantic life -- and that's on purpose. I don't need a whole lot of people in my business, I'm a private person, really. But it's interesting that people expect to know all about your relationships and who you're interested in and so forth, otherwise, they figure you're "hiding" something...

Yeah, I'm hiding my own damn business...


ZACK said...

Cool post!

Just do you, while the others DO THEMSELVES IN! People who throw stones forget to protect their own back. So, just laugh at them when somebody throws two shoes at them from behind.

Much love to you, and thanks for "following" my blog.

A.Smith said...

Zack -- thanks for the comment. Much love to you a well.

You make a good point -- when you spend more time in other folks business, it's hard to take care of your own.

Anonymous said...

That's not really a question I would ask my friend let alone someone I haven't talked to in months.

I don't tell my business either. Never have. Because of this people say I'm sneaky. I'm not sneaky, I just don't tell everything.

A.Smith said...

Southern gal, people same the same thing to me... I'm sneaky... there's a lot of things people tell me that I couldn't imagine letting anyone know about myself, but that's my personal preference and their personal preference is to be an open book.

I don't understand the mindset that makes people think being in someone else's business, uninvited, is ok...

Keith said...

Good Post, I totally agree with you. I don't know if you're old enough to remember the sitcom -"Bewitched" It was about a modern day "witch" Samantha , who was married to a mortal, Darrin. They had a newsy neighbor named Gladys
Kravitz who suspected that Samantha
might be something more than what she portrayed herself as..and as a result, she was always looking in their windows, sneaking around her house, trying to listen through the door and what not..
That's what I call newsy ,intrusive
people- "Gladys Kravitz"..It seems like we've become a nation of Gladys Kravitz's' Always in somebody else's business.

Somebodies Friend said...

I don't let anyone in on my 'business' anymore. At one time I was some what of an 'open book', but that always seemed to get me in trouble.

So now when I am in a relationship with someone, it is my business, and know body elses unless I decide to make it their business.

And that don't happen very much anymore!

A.Smith said...

Keith: it's always so funny to me the earnest with which people attempt to be in other's people's business, all the while claiming not to care or saying "i hate drama" makes me laugh.

Somebodies Friend: I'm getting to be more like that all the time. Even my "close" friends are susceptible to that wall. Just the other day a friend said to me (after I told her about something going on in my life) "clearly this has been going on for a while, why are you just now telling me?" I can't understand how people feel entitled to know anyone's business but their own.

Anonymous said...

Girl I feel you on this. People are a trip. I often wonder sometimes why ppl ask me random stuff and it's like ummmmm do I know you??? Some people are just really out of pocket or are naive to manners and respect. On another note who cares what people think about you. I recently read a quote that said this "it's not your business what others think of you"

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