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1.31.2011

Finding Earth or Something Like It

Recently, a guy at a gas station tried to hit on me. He told me, at one point, that he was still looking for his Earth. When I asked him to explain, he rambled off something about it being comparable to a soul mate, but not quite. He said he didn't believe in soul mates because "you can make it be whatever with anybody..."

Now, I'm still not clear on the difference between his "Earth" and what most people refer to as soul mates, but he still has me thinking about the topic.

I spent my birthday with J's family -- which I did last year as well. After dinner the night before my b-day, as his mom and I waited for the car to be brought around, she remarked to me, "You two were soul mates..."

And then, a couple of a days ago I was watching Oprah and 2 of her guests were Fran Drescher and her ex husband Peter Marc Jacobson. They divorced after several years of marriage because Jacobson came out of the closet. One of the first things she said during the interview was that they were soul mates.

I have no idea what my definition of a soul mate is. I think there are some basic qualities that seem obvious: someone who cares for you deeply, someone who understands you, maybe even better than you understand yourself, someone who supports you, looks out for you... which sounds a lot like a good friend, but I think in the case of a soul mate, it's x1000 and it happens naturally, without a lot of prodding or work, as is sometimes necessary in run of the mill relationships.

I reeled just a tad when J's mom made that comment to me. She clearly understood his sexuality and accepted and supported it, so her comment clearly had nothing to do with our romantic relationship. When I heard Fran Drescher talking about it, though, it made a little more sense to me -- that is, things I had been thinking and working through.

A piece of me is uncomfortable with the finality of calling J my soul mate -- maybe because I have to admit then that my soul mate is gone and I really did lose him, or maybe because I'd have to admit that I'll never find anyone to get me the way I need to be understood -- but in any case, I can toy around with the idea of it.

But this guy -- he said that "you can make it be whatever with anybody..." I reeled a tad when he said that, too. It didn't feel right. Maybe you can fake it with anybody, but eventually that shows. Hard times come and if it's not real, it's easier to run. I think soul mates exist, I just wonder if (or maybe hope I haven't) met mine...

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