Show and Prove

A recent gchat status:

It has come to my attention that individuals have drawn the erroneous conclusion that because I do not show emotion, I do not feel. This could not be further from the truth.

Over the last month I've had repeated situations where a friend said or did something that...got me in my feelings... but they glossed over the situation as if it was inconsequential. Both were glaringly awkward situations. The kinds where both parties know there needs to be a reflection for a second. At least some time spent making sure everyone got out of the little trip up relatively unscathed. I was not extended that courtesy in either of those situations.

The conclusion I've drawn is that it's a direct result of my not showing emotion. In fact the only emotion I do seem to show with any sincerity is anger. Actually, I say the only one I show is irritation. There's only 2 people who have ever seen me actually angry and one is now dead. In any case because of this and the perception it causes, people assume I don't have feelings and many are very afraid of me getting angry (::shrug::)

In any case it's just not true. I have feelings and they get trampled on all the time. The thing is I don't express that part and I don't feel like I should have to (well, not so that people will stop trampling on them -- I should express emotion... says my inner counselor). There are just some things that happen and you know, without knowing, that it could potentially hurt someone.

You're watching the television on mute (I don't know why. Just go with me). You see a scene where a character in a movie gets hit by a bus. You don't have to hear him screaming in pain to know that getting hit by a bus probably hurt. Life experiences tells you that a 5 yr old can hit you hard enough to hurt, let alone a huge bus, right? Same with feelings. Forget something important about a friend or say something rude or brush them off or ditch them for someone else... life experiences tells you that stuff hurts. Do you have to see them cry to know it hurt?

I know people only deal with the icky stuff they have to. No one is going to go looking for an awkward situation to jump into, but there's no reason to avoid the obvious, right? Eh. I'm big on personal responsibility, anyway and I know my part in this is leading people into this sense that I'm emotionless because I literally don't feel. This is wrong and I need to do a better of job of letting people know when they have hurt me if I want them to address it.