Vent

I have got to get this off my chest or I'm going to have a problem.

Here's the backstory:

About 2-3 wks ago I had a little issue with my living situation. Actually, I was put out. But it really was ok, I had somewhere to go and a long-term plan, so everything was fine. BUT, I had been through a whole lot so I was still a little down about how everything had played out with the lady who put me out. To top everything off, my infamous ex called me. His message said something like "I just wanted to call and catch up with you, since we haven't talked in a while."

Now let me add this: the reason we haven't talked in a while (and I've outlined this before) is because his boyfriend (yes, his boyfriend) didn't want him talking to me and I refused to talk to him if he had to sneak around to do it. Now, of course, it should be said that my ex is the KING of acting like things are ok when they're not, avoiding the white elephant in the room and flat out lying about things to make situations easier for him. SO, while all of that is true, he wanted to act like we hadn't talked because we'd both just been busy. Whatever. I can support that delusion. It's not that serious.

I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid, and I know him. I'm not stupid, I know him and I'm a student of people. He called me on a Friday night. We haven't spoken on a Friday night since we were together. Why? Because we both now have lives that are completely independent and irrespective of each other, not to mention that most people in relationships spend Friday nights with that special someone... so if he was calling me on a Friday night that HAD to mean him and his boyfriend were having some problems so that ol' boy wasn't around, which made me skeptical to call back... cause your ex calling when they have problems with the new relationship is NEVER good.

But curiousity killed the cat, and so the next day I did break down and call him back. And, just as I had suspected he and his boyfriend were having major issues and it seemed a break-up was coming. I didn't offer any opinions, though based on what he told me was going on, I was shocked that he had put up with it for so long. The guy I knew never would've stood for that, but, it did serve as a great reminder that the two of us have grown up a lot since "then."

I digress...

I told him about my situation, we talked about his and then 15-20 mins later the conversation was over, and of course he offered to call me back and of course (which is why I agreed) he didn't. A week after the fact, he sent me a text asking if everything in my world had gotten better. I figured that since he didn't call me back him and the b/f had gotten back together so I told thim that my world had gotten much better just as I was sure his had as well and he responded in agreeance.

Then, two nights ago, he called me and left a message saying that he was calling to check up on me since the last time we talked I "didn't sound so good..."

Umm... WHAT?

I automatically know that a)this is bullshit and b)he really just wants to talk to me, which is fine, but please, don't talk to me like I'm stupid.

I call him back, but we don't talk.

Then last night he calls me again. He can't talk, again, but he just wants to know if I'm ok.

Back in the day, my ex prided himself on being able to tell when something was bothering me but I wasn't being honest about it, and most times he was right on the money. But like I said -- we've changed. And I've been happier in the last 12 months than I have in the last 24 - 36.... so for him to fall right back into that "place" with me... saying "are you really?" in response to my "I'm ok..." pissed me off.

How dare he, I thought, call me a year later acting like he really gives a shit about me and my life.

Bottom line, it upsets me that STILL he's acting like nothing between us has changed when EVERYTHING has changed. I don't trust him, don't really like talking to him for too long, don't really care too much about his personal life... and aside from all that, I'm just no longer the person he used to know and instead of coming at me, trying to get to know me again, he's coming at me like I've been waiting for him to come back. As if when he broke my heart, I pushed pause...

Dude, quit joking.

Whether this is about a romance or not... him in my life would be a MAJOR step, and I've thought long and hard about how I would handle this time if it ever came (and, it may not yet be here) and I decided that if he tried to come back in a way that acknowledged that this means starting over, I could be receptive... but I see he's going to need one of my infamous "too frank for public consumption" talks. One where I say "Look. I don't know you, you don't know me and there is no way I'm going any further than where we are right now until you acknowledge that..."
I haven't said that yet because I keep hoping that either he'll go away again or he'll realize it on his own, but I'm remembering, now, one of the many reasons our relationship had to end. He took my loyalty for granted, and even now -- even when he knows that he's hurt me over and over and lied again and again, he still thinks the same ol' A.Smith will be right here waiting...

That chick had to take a nap for a little while, so she ain't available, right now...