When to Play the Hokey Pokey...

No, not like Trina means...

We all remember the hokey pokey, right?

You put your right hand in
You put your right hand out
You put your right hand in
And you shake it all about
You do the hokey pokey
And you turn yourself around
That's what it's all about!

I got to thinking about this earlier today when one of my friends said, "at some point, you gotta get real with people."

A while ago, I talked about the back and forth I was doing with myself about whether or not to express my true feelings to a friend about her relationship. Ultimately I decided,

What's important to me, though is that she see what I'm talking about for herself. It's not enough for me to tell her -- she'll never learn the lesson life is trying to teach her -- but I don't want her to get hurt cause this guy is a jerk.

In other words, she's my friend and I care, but I'm a firm believer that there are just some lessons you can't be taught by outsiders. You have to learn them by going through them.

Now, some of us are less hard headed than others and we're quick on the uptake. Others of us (me) have to be knocked around a few times, especially if it requires relinqushing things we think we should have. But either way, there are just some lessons life has to teach us and no matter how much our friends want to change that, they can't.

So when my friend said, "at some point, you gotta be real with people... in talking about the same friend, I started to agree with that, but I got to thinking... is it "at some point" or "in some cases?" Is it that every time one of your friends is trippin, there comes a time where you have to, as a good friend, let them know? Or is it only in some cases? I think it's the latter. I think that sometimes we have to step aside and let folks fall on their faces. Sometimes they'll get up, brush the dirt off and never step in that hole again, but other times they'll jump right back in and we have to let them.

I believe this is so because I also believe you can't help someone who doesn't want help. And even sometimes the people who ask for help don't really want it. When a friend asks you to help them understand why they keep falling down, you can point out that there's a hole in their path and they will be receptive (that is, look down and see the hole). On the flip side, trying to convince someone there's a hole in their path when they didn't ask, and don't see anything wrong...well that's a bit harder.

SO... is it "at some point" or "in some cases?"