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12.08.2009

Things We Don't Apologize For: Satisfaction

Yesterday: Never apologize to your new friends about old friends. There's a reason she's been your girl from day one.
Today: Never apologize for ordering dessert or more than one dessert.

J used to get mad at me sometimes when we'd go out to eat. He'd swear I curtailed how much I ate because we were together. "I hate it when girls eat less to impress guys..." he'd say. Because of the distance, we didn't spend tons of time together and I think just the excitement of knowing I'd be spending a few days with him would eat into my appetite, at first, but I always got over that. I enjoy food. :)

But let's make this bigger than simply getting dessert. There's nothing wrong with doing something for your own satisfaction, within reason, obviously. Buying a new pair of shoes, not necessarily because you need them but because you like them and can afford them (note: affordability assumes that you're not dipping into rent money, bill money or other "already spent" money to buy something. We call this disposable cash, and if you're unfamiliar with this concept, that's a problem. E-mail me. We can talk about it) then get them.

Msbehavin at This Little Write of Mine just talked about wanting to go on vacation by herself, the only "problem" is that people are telling her she shouldn't. I guess because they wouldn't go on vacation by themselves, no one else should. That's false, actually. We can't let our own insecurities effect other people. Sure, a good friend would caution her to take care of herself and watch out for the rapists who always wear signs that say "Stay Away From Me" and such, but to discourage an adult from doing something for their own satisfaction? Not ok.

I mentioned previously stealing away one weekend. I holed up in a random hotel in a random city for a weekend and told only 2 people where I was going (you know, in case I never made it back) and I left. I did that because I just wasn't interested in hearing what everyone else thought about what I wanted to do, for my own satisfaction.

Thinking about random conversations I've had lately led me to post this as my gchat status
What is it about people that their first instinct is to be critical? As if it is their job to be sure no one is on a high horse. We shouldn't let our own insecurities become others' killjoys.
You know why we don't go for dessert, let alone a second piece? Because people will be critical; they will have something to say. It amazes me the way people seem to always go for criticism, first. I'm all for being honest with people and letting them know the flaws in their plans/ideas/whathaveyou but why do we always go straight for the "this sucks" line, instead of trying to find what's good about it?

It's a discussion worth having, but in the interim, I'll have a slice of red velvet cheesecake and a cookie, and no, there will be no "sorry" as an afterthought.

Tomorrow: Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because you found Mr. Right across the color line doesn't mean you don't love your brothas.

2 comments:

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

I tend to think people who are constantly critical are unhappy or afraid to follow their dreams and, sometimes unknowingly, place their fears and misery on others. Great post!

Melzie

A.Smith said...

CurvyGurl♥ - You hit it on the head, I think. That's why their criticism is often so biting and so hard to take. It doesn't come from a loving place but a bitter one instead.

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