Beefs, frenemies and BFFs – the ever evolving challenges of friendship

What's the old saying? "People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime." It's really a feel good statement. It helps us recognize that not everyone is supposed to be in our lives forever. It can keep us on the lookout for those people who, if we let them stick around for awhile, might drain us of all the goodness we can muster in a sometimes not so good world. I mean this is a really good saying, full of all kinds of...uhh... well... stuff that makes clichés good. The only problem with it is it doesn't do the best job of explaining how you know which person fits into which category.

I actually believe we had it right as kids. Do you remember when you were younger and another kid would walk up to you and ask to play with the toy you were playing with and ended their request (which, now that I think about it, was more often a demand) with "I'll be your friend..."? I do. I think we had it right back then. Simple. Very simple. You give me that toy, we'll be friends. You don't give me that toy and we won't be friends. As adults we can hear all the nuances in that. The manipulation, the suggested temporary time limit, etc... but as kids, it was straightforward. When the toy was done with, the friendship had run its course -- unless the two of you found something else you both liked -- then the friendship kept going and if you realized that you seemed to always like doing the same things, well, eureka! Lifelong friend. No muss, no fuss.

Sometime during middle and high school, though, we learned that there's nothing simple about friendships. Your BFF today might be your greatest enemy tomorrow. Your enemy from yesterday? Oh, we like her now. Makes me think of a time in high school...

Check out the entire guest blog post at Black 'N Bougie


Anonymous said...

This post reminded me of times in elementary school me and my friends would fist fight and then turn around and be cool. Like we could fight one week and then the next we would be back riding our bikes through the streets. No long-term animosity. No hurt feelings. It was all over at the end of the fight.

It all seemed so simple...

A.Smith said...

@Epsilonicus - Cause it was simple. We get older and start making ish so complicated.

Oh the days of elementary school. :)

Assertive Wit said...

I posted a comment on the other site because I read it over there first :)

CareyCarey said...

***copied & pasted here***

Okay, this was stolen from OneChele's blog :-)

Well, it looks like another love TKO. I mean, I got here late and everyone is gone. But wait, I see Melzie is still around. Okay, that's my segway moment. See, I tend to look at this dilema from a supply and demand point of view. Let's say Ol'Melzie is the last women in the club that looks like she needs a friend and the whole night I've caught nothing but the blues. ALAS! She "could" be a friend for all the wrong reasons. I know... I know... that's not a friendship, that's a one night stand, but I'm just sayin'...

But at least the contract is signed, sealed and delivered (maybe), at the moment of contact.

But isn't there an implied or nonverbal contract in most relationships? Well, take for instance a song by Arthea Franklin. She said, "Company is alright with me every once in a while, but when me and my (whom ever) start making love (or something like that) it's time for everyone to get out (or something like that). I mean, don't we all know our piece of the pie? When Arthea walked out of her bedroom with all that chest crowding the room, I think everyone knew who had to wrestle with them *lol*.

But come on Ms. Smith, I know this requires a little self discovery, but the po' girls (and poor guys) hang with the rich girls (or guys) because they don't have any money, and they do. Come on now Ashley. The chunky chicks don't hang with skinny minnies, because, you know, they make them feel fat-her. It's sort of like wearing the black dress because it makes you look thinner.

Then, the person with the car ALWAYS has a bunch of friends. The shy or clingy person, doesn't want to hang with another clingy thingy. It's all about supply and demand.

I'm trying to keep this PG, but we all know about the "F" buddy. But see, I think some women get that confused. For them, it's love at first sight. For some men, it's love all night (well, maybe 15 minutes), but not the next day.

I still think this whole "what's in a friend" thang is a chick thang. It's not cool for guys to act like chicks. You know, the old, I don't like them so you can't either. I mean, it's not cool for dudes to NOT have a defined reason to dislike another dude(or woman).

But maybe you are talking about deep and lasting friendships. Now that's as rare as money in my pocket. I mean, that takes work. If I can borrow a line from that old shirt (or jeans?) commercial, "who said you have to work in them". Listen, work is spelled J. O. B., and my name is Bennett (not really) but I don't like to be in it. If it ain't working, I tend to move on. I mean, if I am talking to someone (friend or lover) and there's more dead air than crisp and fun conversation, it's another love TKO.

I could go on about this, but I want to leave on a good note. Ms. Smith and OneChele, I'll be yawls... ahh, ahh, (dang, I don't know Twitter talk), I'll be your Huckleberry.

**Waving @ Miss Curvy**

Akirah said...

This is a hard thing for me. I'm still learning to accept it. I know it's true...some people really aren't meant to be in our lives forever...but man it hurts.

But it hurts even more to keep toxic people in our lives.

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

I like that old saying, and the simplicity of how children have fun together.

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