Music is Clarity

For the next little while, I've committed to paring down my outside communication. Something clicked with me last night and I realized I need some time to myself, for myself. This means no phone: no texting, no calling, limited e-mail checking. The only phone calls I am taking are from my mother and a friend I'm planning a trip with. Other than that, everyone is going straight to voicemail. No gchat, which is huge for me. I decided I would respond to e-mails, but e-mails only and only if they warrant an immediate response. Any e-mails that can wait a while will wait.

Last week I got a new computer and so I've begun the huge task of putting all my CDs onto it. Some of the older ones are a little scratched and I rarely lug out the huge cases I have. For about the past 8 years, the music I primarily listened to was whatever I downloaded. Sure, I've bought plenty of new CDs over the years, but a few spins and into the case they went only to be discovered by a friend perusing my collection or me on the off-chance I could remember what I had. For the most part, I would create mix CDs (so many of my mixes remind me of specific time periods).

In putting all my music onto my laptop, I'm rediscovering some old stuff. Right now, Voyage to India by India.Arie and Let Go by Avril Lavigne are what I'm listening to. Both albums are what I need to hear right now to really get me moving and going and working through whatever funk I'm in.

It's funny because when I first got Avril Lavigne's album in 2002, I so heavily identified with a lot of what she was saying. I'm not sure what it means to still, 7 years later, identify so heavily but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Anyway, the point of this oddly-timed and sort of awkward sabbatical is to focus on what's going on in my head. That post I did on Sunday that makes absolutely no sense (kudos to anyone who read it from top to bottom. I just tried and failed) was the beginning. I've been letting too much other stuff crowd my head and I'm not focused on me and where I'm going. As usual, I defer to other people's issues, make them my own issues and that way I don't have to deal with the real things that bother me (like uncertainty about my future).

I truly believe in God. I'm not so sure I believe that everything happens for a reason, but I do believe that in every situation there's a way for it to work for some greater good. I also know that so much of my life has to have been orchestrated by someone way smarter and flyer than me because you don't just fall into all of the good situations I've fallen into. Timing is everything and for as "let the chips fall where they may" as I am about a lot of things, time seems to always work out for me.

Recently I began seriously considering my future and a way to get back to my home state. I love where I am, but I miss some of the familiarity and I feel a certain sense of responsibility to my mother. The current job I have sort of fell into my lap and so I didn't pursue a position in the consulting field like I planned to. When thinking of what's next for me, knowing this job could never be forever (for me), consulting was what I went to. It's always attracted me and been something I'm interested in.

This morning, my boss, who I adore and made my unofficial mentor, announced he's leaving to return to the private sector. He's going to be an independent consultant. He started a consulting firm way back when and sold it when he got into the political game. Now he's returning. I see an opportunity here to make my next major move and set myself up to be where I want to be in a year. But there is a lot that plays into this and I don't want to be impulsive. I want to make a good decision and I want to feel good about it.

This is just a part of what I'm thinking about and needing some space to work through, but it, in and of itself, is pretty huge.

Don't worry good people, I'm still blogging. Everyday. Maybe more than normal since I won't be preoccupied by too much else. Hopefully I'll be able to articulate what's going on in my head. And hey, who knows, I may bust out a video blog to switch it up.