Haters II

Martini "The Bartender" at MartiniandScotch did a post that got me thinking about how one-sided my first Haters post was. I HAD to follow up.

In between living our lives and avoiding our haters, we need to watch ourselves. I think in claiming our own haters we find some semblance of self-assurance that we are not haters. Referencing a faceless group is supposed to quickly show your non-membership to said group. I mean, think about a group you're not in. Think about how you reference them in such a way that not only lets us know who they are but also lets us know you are not a member. The haters... That's them, and I'm not them.

Ok, false. We all hate. It's human nature. We run across someone doing better than us and we hate. Not always, not even on purpose, but we do it. To take us back to some really old cheesy saying let's "check ourselves before we wreck ourselves..." And in acknowledging that we're all guilty of hating let's also be careful of how we address those hating on us. Are they really hating?

One of my really good friends is completing her first year of law school. She's considering transferring. I know her well and I know that when it comes to big decisions like these she's prone to changing her mind, being impulsive and not thinking things through. So when she first told me she had started some apps I said "don't come back talking about you changed your mind in a week..." She made some noise about me not being supportive and we moved on.

A few days ago we were talking and she brought that conversation up again. "I sorta felt like you were hating on me, and definitely not being supportive," she said, "but now I realize, you were speaking the truth and just being a good friend..."

Some of us want haters to always be people who aren't saying what we want to hear. A hater is someone who sees you doing well, legitimately doing well, and wishes ill solely and only because you are doing well. A friend who calls you on your shit is not a hater, an acquaintance who doesn't agree with what you say or maybe even what you do is not necessarily a hater.

So let's watch ourselves and be careful before we start throwing the hater stone...

Oh, and Dafonzerelli had a GREAT post on haters. Check it out.