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5.27.2009

Girlfriend Friends



I got to thinking about this because of comments at This May Concern You (I highly recommend going to read this post as well as the comments) and a conversation I had earlier today.

Damon said (in reference to the show Girlfriends):
In many ways they were the same character, completely flawed when it came to love, both searching for it, but not having a clue as to how to get there. And though they took different perspectives, neither ever found it (as far as I’m concerned). But they always had each other.
Earlier today, a female friend remarked to me:
I need some friends. Preferably men
There is a lot to be said of relationships between females. I went to a comedy show once where a comedian said something like Females have their girls, but they also have the one girl who is theirb*tch. This is the one she'll do anything for, no questions asked. Unfortunately, many of us females lament how we hate being friends with other females. Why? Well depends on who you ask. A quick survey might yield you some answers like females are too catty, or messy; females are too needy; you can't trust females... and it's so disappointing to hear that.

Don't let me pretend as if I've never said that, I have. I've had varying experiences with females, but I know that if, as a female, you can have a real and deep sisterly bond with another female, it can be rather fulfilling.

My best friend is a guy. A lot of my friends are guys, actually. They're easier to deal with. There's not a lot of b.s. that goes into being friends with them. I like how I can go to them for advice and they'll be frank with me, especially where dealing with men is concerned (sometimes, though, I'd really rather NOT know what men are really thinking). But there are still some things about me that my BFF probably won't ever really understand, and the same for me about him. It's on the rare occasion that those limitations are highlighted that I'm thankful for the female friends I do have.

When my friend remarked that she preferred male friends, I knew what she meant, though I poked fun at her for it. The perception of friendships with, and between males (from a females POV) is that they're cut and dry; no muss no fuss. There won't be a whole lot of drama and in the rare instance where there's a disagreement, it'd be nothing to hash it out for a few minutes and keep it pushing. If you've ever been in a spat with a female, though, you know that's not always the case. Arguments between females don't always end as simply as we perceive arguments between men to end.

I mentioned my BFF from high school and our now-awkward relationship. Since that post, things have gotten even more odd. She's moved to the same city I'm in and there's a lot of mixed signals going on. It's like she wants us to "be friends" but she doesn't. I can't adequately explain it, but there's something missing and I have no clue what it is. But I'm holding out that we shall weather this storm too and come out better for it.

In one of my comments at TMCY, I said:
And [friendships among women are] not always fun or nice, sometimes [they're] hard and awkward but the hope is that you come out the other side better for the trial and more supportive of one another.
So this is where my head is with my friend. I don't want to just throw the towel in because it's not as easy with her as it might be with my male BFF. The fact of the matter is, I suppose, is anything truly worth having if you don't have to work for it first?

2 comments:

El Nuyorican said...

I hear this a lot when it comes to women and what i have found is that when truly make an effort to develop trusting and intimate relationships with other women, it results in a lot of inner growth.

I'm not saying that women don't make the effort (I mean, WTF am I, right? LOL), but I do feel PART of the issue is also about letting go and making the leap to trust and go deeper. I think that's where it's at when it comes to this issue.

anyway, that's my dos centavos.

-- Eddie

A. Red said...

I must admit I'd rather have a host of male friends then females any day. I have 2 real friends...ONE OF THEM IS MY BITCH LOL...but as a whole I have 7 females I kick it with. Even though those are my homies, I've had to deal with unnecessary jealousy issues and gossipy fueled conversations I wanted no part in. Plus those tricks don't returned borrowed items! LOL

Seriously, guys are easier to talk to, easier to deal with. They give you the real with no chaser and they're not quick to act off of emotions. You can just be yourself around them.

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